TRUE COLOURS other shade of grey
by Cuddles101
Summary: Cal and Gillian participate in a small and innocent scientific experiment? Warning: Contains angst, violence and mature themes.
1. Chapter - GOING UNDER

**Summary:** Cal and Gillian participate in a small and innocent scientific experiment?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the LTM characters or make any profit from this. Keep the rainforests alive and don't sue.

**Timeline:** For the sake of the argument let's say AU.

**Warnings:** Violence, Language, NC17 – Sexual situations.

**Gender:** Angst/Drama/Sci-fi

**Note:** Sorry for typos. As much as I try to fight them, they somehow always sneak in.

**TRUE COLOURS* **

**/ OTHER SHADE OF GREY /**

**Chapter 1**

**GOING UNDER**

"Million dollars, think about it darling, one million" Cal was excited "it means our dream of research centre could become a reality..."

"I have a bad feeling about this..." Gill barely audibly whispered taking a small sip of the tea, unexplainable uneasiness from the earlier meeting still didn't fade.

"There is this huge building outside the city that we could rent, it is former think tank and has broad..." Cal was unstoppable when he was thrilled. To have their own research centre was a long time dream which they never had a chance to realise due to the lack of resources. It was not that the business didn't bring profit. Simply to run purely scientific establishment required a lot of money, not only to afford appropriate premises and latest technology, but also conditions that would attract best scientists. Cal and Gill had been talking about it for years. It would be a chance to bring their studies into whole new level. If they agreed to the offer, their dream could become a reality.

There was nothing shady or suspicious. It was simple and plain. New software for military purposes had been developed by IFT – Institute for future technologies. The Lightman group and more specifically Cal and Gill were offered to run the tests. It had something to do with virtual reality and detecting truth from false. If everything was so innocent, why did she have this strong feeling of forbidding?

"I don't know..." Gill was not convinced.

"Let's meet this Dr Wolf and see what he has to say," sensing Gill's discomfort Cal reassuringly smiled and offered "We can always say no."

"Fine," Gill finally relaxed, but the small smile that played on her lips never reached her eyes. She didn't want to drag the man out of his euphoria, but couldn't bring herself to join it either.

"Besides, this whole thing could be fun. You, me, cyber-world – who knows where it could lead..." Cal seductively purred under the table putting hot palm one her bare leg and moving it up till it disappeared behind the hemline of the dress. At the same time he leaned closer in an attempt to steal a kiss.

"Cal!" a bit blushed Gill chided looking around, but never making an attempt to move away "We are in a public."

"So?"

"Can't wait till the evening?"

"It is a pure torture," he passionately whispered against her ear "You deliberately chose this dress knowing full well that it drives me crazy."

A hot shiver run down Gill's body making her tremble. Next moment their lips met in a passionate, albeit a bit too short for Cal's liking kiss. Green eyes were full of disappointment when Gill gently pulled away.

"You are insufferable," the woman smiled, this time genuinely. The truth was since they started to date, his happiness directly reflected on her. There simply was no way that she could stay gloom when the man was practically glowing.

"So I've been told," Cal laughed warmly looking at the woman and bringing one of her palms to lips. He still couldn't believe his luck. Was it really possible that he had stolen the heart of this amazing creature? Life couldn't be better. Well, million dollars would definitely make the topping to the cake.

The day was lovely, warm rays' of afternoon sun played on two figures unhurriedly enjoying each other's company on the terrace of their favourite restaurant.

x x x

"The software was developed mainly for simulations, but its usage for interrogations is not excluded. We call it UR or "Ultimate reality," the man with thick German accent explained.

Cal almost laughed at the originality of the name and looked at Gill, but she was completely focused on Dr Wolf and didn't share his humour.

In the meanwhile Dr Wolf continued "Basically it is virtual reality environment. There are some input parameters programmed and some variables adjusted for each specific simulation, but to large scale the personalities, situations and events come from your minds. It all is connected in a matrix..."

"You are saying that you have spent millions on designing advanced 'Doom'?" Cal interrupted unable to stop himself. He tried hard not to grin after word 'Matrix'. Picture that next moment nice doctor would ask them to choose between blue and red pill vividly played in front of his eyes.

One could almost see steam evaporating from doctor's ears at the mocking tone. Before the German had a chance to open his mouth Gill eased the situation.

"What my partner meant," she said glaring angrily at Cal "Is that we find your project very interesting."

There was a small pause, before she continued "What would be our task?"

"We need to determine the level of believability of the environment. You are the best specialists detecting truth from lies."

"How does it work?" Gill asked.

"We can go see the lab right now," Dr Wold offered "The equipment itself is nothing new or secret. It has been used in the field for quite some time."

They passed glass walled corridor and stopped in front of see through doors for one of the laboratories. Upon entering Dr Wolf introduced his colleague "Please meet Mr Brown, my assistant and programmer who will co-monitor the experiment."

Gill and Cal in turns shook the hand of small baldly man hidden behind huge glasses. Looking around spacious room they saw two chairs equipped with all kind of medical equipment, like a heart monitor etc. Top of the chairs was decorated with helmet like object that had huge cables stretching from the top. Cables went across the room and were connected to a huge complex of computers, servers and screens. Upon closer examination it was clear that the medical equipment was wired there too.

"As you can see, it is quite classical setup. First of all we will check your vials. During whole time we will monitor your heart rate, pulse, activity of brain and blood pressure. It is just a precaution that is mandatory to all the tests. You will receive a shot of sedatives that will help to relax muscles and free your mind. Then we will connect you to the equipment," he said indicating to the helmets "Basically that is all."

"How long are we going to be 'under'?"

"One descent lasts approximately eight hours. Altogether there will be three of them."

"There is something else you are not telling," Cal said closely observing the man and Gill tensed. She had seen it too.

"You are as good as they say," Dr Wolf smiled, but the expression seemed somewhat plastic to Gill.

Meanwhile the doctor continued, "There are two levels of descent. Normally for simulations we plan to use level one that works on conscious level. We will program certain modelled or real situation that has to be resolved. In order to do it, 'diver' will use all his knowledge, skills and experience. It can be used to find possible solutions for certain situations, for example to prevent terrorist attacks."

"And level two?" Gill asked a bit pale. As psychologist she didn't like this kind of mind games.

"Level two works on the level of sub-consciousness. There is whole concept of possible scenarios how it will be used, developed by CIA, but this information is classified. Only non-confidential example I can give is that it would be used to solve heavy crimes. Specifically in cases when the person can't or won't share the truth willingly, for example, when dealing with sociopaths or criminals who are seriously injured and are in unconscious state."

"Which level will be used for testing?" Gill asked already knowing the answer.

"For testing we have to use level two," Dr Wolf confirmed her fears "It has more advanced design and is less predictable. In that environment you will completely lose your current personalities. It is a role play in equal parts defined by set parameters and your sub-consciousness. Your memories, experiences and conscious thoughts will not form a part of the setting."

"Basically we shall have a virtual amnesia?" Cal specified.

"I guess in a way we could call it like that," Dr Wolf said thoughtfully.

Gill glanced worriedly at Cal, but he was not affected at all. Truth to be told Cal was not taking it seriously. As a big fan of technology industry and following latest developments in the field he was not impressed by the software. In worst case scenario it would be as boring as Second life, and in best case kick some adrenaline as World of war craft. Well, for Gill's sake he opted for the first.

Gill, on the other hand, felt uncomfortable. Somehow the thought of that cold chair in the centre of the room completely didn't invite her. Possibility to lose her identity, even only on virtual level, was even less appealing.

"What will happen when we wake?"

"As I mentioned before, while there, you will have no recollection of the real world. Once you ascend back to reality, you will remember time spent there, but it should have the same emotional effect as watching a movie."

"Sounds fun," Cal smirked putting reassuring arm on Gill's shoulder.

I'm overreacting, Gill thought relaxing a bit. Cal's proximity gave her strength. He always made her feel safe and secure. Maybe they should give it a try. After all what could possibly go wrong?

Really, what?

**x x x - x x x - x x x**

"What the bloody hell happened?" Cal was beyond furious. Hands clenched in tight fists, he had to use all his self control not to pull out the gun and shoot his employee right on the spot.

"It was a setup. The place was full of cops when we arrived. If it wasn't for Foster's quick reaction, we all would have been busted or worse," the man Cal had been shouting at for last twenty minutes tried to defend his team. Drug deal Cal had negotiated with Chinese had gone completely out of hand. Besides losing one the team members on the field and two arrested, the five million dollars worth merchandise was now the property of the police. What was even worse was that Cal's reputation and reliability as seller had gone to hell. Someone had to pay for the fiasco.

"Speaking of the devil, where is she?"

"She went to a meeting with Columbians."

Even in his angered state Cal had to admit that it was a solid justification. He had set up the deal of firearms s while ago. With the morning's disaster he completely forgot about it. It was a good thing that his personal adviser never forgot anything. She was the most precise and organised person he had ever met.

If the Columbian deal failed too, Cal would have to do some serious damage control. The price requested for the automatic weapons was too high and Cal knew it, but he needed additional income to cover the losses. He should have never returned to Vegas.

"We have a hostage," the crew leader tried to rehabilitate his position "Maybe he will be able to tell us something."

"Should have started with this little detail in the first place," Cal's mood improved significantly "Would have spared me some voice cords."

At least something good. Torture always helped to blow off some steam. It also was a healthy exercise before the lunch.

x x x

Besides entertainment Cal didn't get anything valuable of the young police man. After two hours of intense interrogations the most human thing left was a bullet to the forehead. The rookie died instantly.

When Cal exited the basement, he saw the slim figure of his personal adviser entering the large glassed entrance doors of the building. Her 'innocence personated' look was deceitful; if the situation called for it, she was tougher than nuclear heads.

"How did the negotiations go?" he asked quickly striding over and kissing the woman on the cheek as he grabbed her arm and dragged her down the hall to his office.

"Despite odds the deal ended up well. After some debates and persuasion they agreed to the initial price," Gill replied tiredly. The morning had been stressful, first the encounter with the FBI, then three hours with angered and screaming Columbians. Sometimes Gill really hated her job.

"I never doubted you," Cal's voice seemed considerably happy as he opened the door to the office. Apparently last two hours had lifted his spirits.

Moving behind large oak desk Cal sat in the leather chair and pulled the woman down on his lap "Now, kitten, tell me what the fuck happened."

"There is nothing much to tell. I don't know how, but the police knew about the deal. As soon as we arrived, everything went down in white flames. I believe Carlo already told you the rest of the story and considering your mood our guest was not able to tell anything new either," Gill replied irritated. The whole situation was Cal's fault to begin with. Maybe, she mused, it was time to talk to Joe.

"Could it be that our partners are not as trustworthy as we thought?" Cal said thoughtfully.

"I highly doubt it. Wong Liu managed to retreat, but in the process lost some of his man too. If it was his setup, he wouldn't have showed up at all. Besides Triad has a solid reputation in the business."

"Makes sense. Then who? Only other person who knew about the deal was your dearest brother," Cal couldn't resist the bite. The thought that he had lost five millions was annoying, but fucking up relations with eastern partners could prove to be very dangerous. He needed a scapegoat.

"Alec?" Gillian looked at him surprised "He is an idiot, but he would never get enough balls to betray you. No, there is something else going on."

"What do you mean?"

"We might have a traitor in our lines," Gill thoughtfully bit lower lip.

"Impossible, I picked all the men myself," Cal scolded "There has to be another explanation."

Gill looked down at the man barely hiding a smirk. His ego and self-confidence would be his downfall one day. Both traits were endearing an annoying at the same time.

"Fine, be it your way," the woman capitulated as the headache started to develop at the base of her temple. She simply couldn't take one more screaming match today. Nevertheless, it would be completely out of character, if she didn't voice her thoughts "I told you before, don't get involved with the drugs. It is too risky and dangerous business."

"Don't start the lecture," Cal growled exasperated "I get that enough from the old man."

Sometimes he really hated how much she reminded him of his father, most notorious mob of the other side of the ocean. Both were level headed, never rushed into things, before acting weighted out all the pros and cons and unlike Cal never acted on impulse. What annoyed him even more was that usually those two proved to be right. If he didn't know better, Cal could have sworn that Gillian and his father were related by blood.

Cal, on the other side was more what could be called a hot shot. He was clever and cunning, but his temper and pride usually got better of him and it tended to cause serious problems, especially in sensitive situations. That is why he was the master mind running the wheel, but execution side was left to his lovely adviser.

"I'm just saying..."

"Shhh..." Cal hushed the woman with a finger against her lips before she had a chance to finish the sentence. Brushing the thumb against the lower lip he whispered, "There are better ways to use that lovely mouth of yours."

Gill's warm body in his lap were streaming Cal's thoughts into certain direction. As Gill opened her mouth and sucked on his thumb, anger he felt earlier quickly transformed into passion. All the blood from man's brain gathered in lower parts of his body.

"Unbelievable..." seeing the change in his demeanour Gill smirked, stood up and casually kicked off her heels.

"If next word is lover, guilty as charged," Cal was enjoying the view in full measure.

"Men are so easy..." closely watching his face Gill slowly stepped out of her panties and threw one leg over his lap sitting down in a way that she was rubbing against his blossoming erection.

"For your own sake I hope you are talking in theoretical concept," Cal jealously tightened grip on the woman's neck clearly showing who was in control. The grip bordered to painful.

"I like when you get all green eyed," Gill laughed despite his roughness.

"You know you are driving me crazy, kitten," Cal erotically whispered against her ear easing the grip "Those short tight skirts will be the death of me one day."

Unable to control his needs any longer Cal possessively pulled the woman closer and passionately kissed her lips.

The fact that no one dared to come in his office without a warning was really handy at times like this. Otherwise it wouldn't be the first time when the boss and his advisor were caught in a quite zestful situation.

Cal never refused himself a pleasure and was used to get what he wanted, when he wanted and how he wanted.

x x x

Cal was zipping trousers and Gill sliding down the side of the table was straightening the skirt when they heard loud thundering voice coming from behind the closed doors "The day when I have to wait to see my son has not come yet!"

The poor secretary didn't stand a chance against the intimidating and headstrong man.

"Fuck!" Cal swore under his breath taking exasperate look at Gillian "Do whatever you have to, but get him out of here."

Father was the last person on earth he wanted to meet today or in the nearest future as a matter of fact. Joe Lightman was a hard man to please even on best days. Besides he somehow always was too well informed about all the errands of his son. It was more than annoying.

No doubts, Joe loved his offspring, but he was a tough man, very demanding and scolded the youngster even for the tiniest missteps. There would be one hell to pay, if he knew about the fiasco with Chinese and bloody debt in Vegas.

Joe was an old school guy. He came from a time, where a word given was a law, when Families treated each other with respect. His quick wit and ruthlessness were well known trademarks. Although Joe had built his business with blackmails as well as trade of illegal firearm and military equipment, he stood high moral ground against involvement with drugs regardless of how much profit it made.

Before Gill had any chance to react, the doors burst open and statuesque figure appeared. Despite his years, he looked excellent.

Quick glance over pairs dishevelled appearance left little questions regarding recent activities. Not that Joe overly cared about sexual habits of his son, but he couldn't hide his approval. This girl was the best match for his hot headed son.

"Hello, kiddo," he warmly greeted Gill, squeezing her in a bear like hug. With a slight smile playing on his lips he added "I can see my son keeps you occupied."

"He certainly has his ways. It is always pleasure to see you Joe," Gillian smiled back. For some reason Joe liked her from day one and the feeling was mutual. Gill respected him for his firmness and wit.

"Heard you had a tough morning," Joe kissed her cheek noticing bluish shade on her neck.

"It was a bit... tense."

Joe heaved in thundering laughter knowing full well extend of the events she so politely referred to as 'tense'.

"You haven't changed a bit kiddo. I love that spirit of fire and steal as well as diplomatic approach. Hope one day it will get through that thick skull of my son what a treasure he has."

Warm welcoming was replaced with stern condemnation when the elder man looked over Gill's shoulder at his son. In reply Cal lifted his head up high in proud defiance. No words were needed to know that his father not only knew about the drugs and Wong Liu, but also about the fucking Vegas. Damned!

_Could this day get any better?_ Cal rolled his eyes in irritation.

"I heard you have been quite a busy beaver," Joe's disapproving gaze was almost burning.

"We have conducted some mayor deals lately," Cal bragged dryly. There was no way to please the man anyway, why bother?

"Cut the crap," thunderous baritone broke the air "Are you using?"

"No. Narcotics are for weak - that is what you always said, that is what I believe," Cal lied effortlessly. Luckily his father didn't share the unique talent of reading people's emotions.

Since Cal could remember himself, he had this gift and in his line of work it proved to be a blessing. There was only one other person he had met who was almost as good as him, in certain ways even better, his personal advisor and lover. She might be younger and less experienced, but her gift, especially for reading voices was something truly unique.

Cal knew that Gill saw right through his lies, she always did. Besides she knew for a fact about his entertainment with the white powder. Nevertheless, he was not worried. Gill would never go behind his back or betray him. Her loyalty had been proven beyond doubts. Once she even took a bullet that had his name on it. She had almost died fighting for her life over a week. Her heart had stopped several times while she was in coma. It was an old story, but Cal never forgot the fear he had felt when the red light of gun played directly on his heart.

"For your own sake I hope you are telling the truth. If I ever have even tiniest hint that you are junkie, I swear to God I will appoint your cousin Doyle as the head of the USA branch."

Cal barred his teeth, even mere thought that his father dared to threaten him boiled his blood. Although he loved Doyle, they were best friends while grew up, brothers in arms, Cal had no intention to share his position, especially the power and influence that came along. He was the head of the Lightman Group USA. Period.

Both men were standing eye to eye challenging the other to back off. It wouldn't be the first time when one of father's and son's arguments resulted in a physical fight. At Cal's disposal was youth and quicker reaction time. Joe had experience and despite the age was in outstanding shape. He had been a boxer once, even got the nick Joe Almighty, but the family business soon got him off the ring. Even after all these years the man kept good shape with frequent exercises and healthy lifestyle.

Sensing the storm coming Gill intervened making them take a step back.

"For how long are you in the town Joe?" she enquired in a warm peaceful tone.

The elder man looked away from his son and his facial expression relaxed "I have a gallery opening tonight and meeting with senator Baneth tomorrow morning."

"Too bad, I hoped you have enough time for a dinner," Gill smiled dazzlingly.

"That would be lovely, kiddo" Joe replied "Maybe you wouldn't refuse the old man pleasure and accompany him tonight to that awful event? Afterwards we could have a nice dinner in Royal Piazza."

"With pleasure," Gill replied with a smile that never reached her eyes. Late evening with mandatory socialisation was the last thing she craved for, but she knew that it was what Cal expected.

"Now if you will excuse us darling, I need to have a word with my son. Alone," Joe patted her arm and led the girl to the doors. Gill glanced over her shoulder apologetically, but seeing the contempt on Cal's face turned away and exited the room. After all they were both grown up and powerful men. It was time they dealt with their issues without her acting as buffer. After all they were family.

As soon as the doors closed, Joe's expression changed into one of barely controlled rage "You undeveloped punk, what were you thinking setting up a drug deal with Wong Liu? Especially without additional insurance? Where you thinking at all? And how to classify your stunt in Vegas?"

"It was a good deal, would have helped to settle things with Tony. How the fuck was I supposed to know that freaking FBI will show up."

"Didn't you check your sources?"

"What do you think? Off course I did. Nothing indicated the bust," Cal finally looked at his father and the realisation hit him "There is something you know, something you have not told me yet!"

"Good to see that your talent had not been drank or gambled away," the elder man smirked "The Lightman Group and especially you are under FBI microscope."

"How is that anything new?"

"My sources confirmed that they have inside information. You have to pay closer attention to those around you."

So Gill's suspicions had been right, like always. The fact only aggregated Cal's already extremely bad mood. How much he hated when those two played the smart ass card.

"How bad is it?"

"With appropriate damage control the situation is solvable without major losses."

"Good," Cal relaxed. Everything was not so bad after all. His back was covered and that was all that mattered.

Joe looked at his son and sighed. Intelligent and wise beyond his years the youngster had shown such a promise. It was until all the power and glory hit him hard in the head, made him overly self-confident, proud and careless. If it wasn't for the girl, Joe would be seriously worried for the business on this side of the ocean. Gillian was a real diamond in rough, the only person who managed to keep at least one foot of his arrogant son on the ground. On the other hand if it ever came to choosing between the two, the blood would always win. Joe really hoped that it would never be the case.

"Your mother, God rest her soul, would turn into her grave seeing the extravagant and meaningless lifestyle you are leading. Posh parties, expensive suits and cars, more than just shady deals. In my days..."

_Here we go!_ Cal rolled his eyes not bothering to listen further. The path down the memory lane was the last thing he needed. Everything had changed since his father's youth. The pace was different, values were different, the business could no longer be run the old fashioned way, but there was no point to argue. His father was the most bull-headed man that ever walked the face of earth. Unfortunately he also was the only person who could help to settle mess with the Chinese mafia more commonly known as Triad. Besides, if properly motivated, Joe could also help to repay Vegas debt. Gill would have to work all her charms tonight to persuade his father deal with Tony. Sometimes the girl was indispensable.

Joe's next sentence got Cal's full attention.

"Why don't you settle down, marry and lead respectable lifestyle. It would help with the business; help you to become more prominent figure in the higher circles."

"And have the boring social life you lead, no thanks," Cal wrinkled his face dissatisfied "Besides I have absolutely no desire to chain myself to a single woman when there are so many fish in the ocean."

"One does not intervene with the other," Joe smirked "Just keep your 'adventures' below the radar."

"The same way you did with mom," Cal could not resist the bite. His mother had loved his father and dedicated her whole life to the insufferable egoist. The truth about his many affairs pushed her over the edge and she killed herself. Overdose of the sleeping pills. Cal was only fifteen at the time and took her death really hard. Since then Cal blamed his father for everything that went wrong in his life. The irony was that he turned out to be just like the man he so much resented. Only Cal didn't see it yet.

"We had a happy marriage for twenty years," Joe's baritone split the air "A thought to leave your mother never crossed my mind. I loved her, still do."

The hurt he saw on his father's face made Cal slow down. What was the point to bring back painful memories? It would do no good for any of them. Besides it was too unpleasant journey and Cal tried to avoid everything displeasing as much as he could.

"Will you join us tonight?" Joe asked after a minute of silence.

"For the opening no, but I will try to make it to the dinner," Cal promised. Even as the words left his mouth Cal had no intention to go "Now let's get back to the business. What is our line with Triad?"

"Here is what we will do..."

x x x

Gill was sitting in her office with an open bottle of Pepto-Bismol in her hand gazing into nothingness. The ulcer was acting up again shooting waves of pain through her body. The medication didn't help much. Doctor had warned her long ago to lower the level of stress and take vacation for at least a month, if she didn't want to end up on operation table with ruptured ulcer. Unfortunately one could not take a leave from the life itself and that was exactly what she needed.

Gill was so lost in thoughts that didn't hear the crack of opening doors. Only when a warm palm settled on her shoulder and familiar voice greeted her Gill finally snapped out "Hey, Sis heard you had a rough day!"

Not believing her ears Gill looked up and huge smile appeared on her face, all the discomfort and tiredness completely forgotten.

"Eli! Is it really you?" she stood up and gave a warm hug to the tall curly haired man. Her younger brother was the sole reason of her existence, only person she truly and selflessly loved.

Gill had raised the boy singlehandedly from early age and had put all her hopes and dreams in him, wowing that Eli would never be forced to lead the life she did, that he would stay clean and free from all the dirt, maybe become a doctor, a layer or a scientist. It all crashed when Eli blinded by the glamorous and chick lifestyle aside his studies in the college accepted Cal's proposal and started to work for the Lightman Group as a small level hit man more commonly known as a soldier.

He was running insignificant errands and low level hits with minimal or no risk involved. Although the youngster craved for the power and was eager to become the big shark, his sister closely monitored all the assignments ensuring the boy was not involved in anything dangerous.

Eli hugged her back "Good to see you too, Sis. How are things at the upper level?"

"Same old, same old. How was your trip to California?"

"Nothing interesting," Eli wrinkled his nose "but you already know that, considering the tight leash you keep on me."

The last was said with a bit of contempt.

"You know that I love you," Gill smiled warmly not very least offended by the harshness of his tone. She hadn't seen him for two weeks and had missed the boy dearly.

"I know," the youngster smiled apologetically "I really do, but sometimes that controlling streak of yours drives me nuts."

"I know" it was Gill's time to smile apologetically "When did you return?"

"Yesterday morning," Eli replied, "but with moving and everything I didn't have time to drop by."

"Wait, where are you moving?" Gill's expression got stone serious.

"I'm going to live with Alec," the boy replied with a huge smile on his face "He has a whole penthouse floor to himself and Zoe, there is plenty room for me. Besides, Alec offered. It would be a great opportunity for the two of us to bond. We didn't have much chance while I was growing up after all."

Cold shivers ran down Gill's spine at the news. It was hundred times worse that looking at the barrel of the gun pointed at her head just a couple of hours ago or threats of angered Columbians that included her and not very pleasant activities.

How was she supposed to protect her little brother and make Eli change his mind without further alienating him? Their relationship lately was not the best and largely it was her fault. If she tried to persuade him, he would only rebel seeing it as her meddling with his life. Crap! That son of the bitch Alec really knew how to break her.

"Why don't you stay with me for a while, if you don't like the campus? Or we could find something suitable for you in the neighbourhood," Gill tried carefully.

"So you can control every step I take?" Eli bite. Seeing the hurt on his sister's face he stepped closer and reassuringly put a palm on her shoulder "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"I know, it is ok," Gill sighed fighting the tears that threatened to break free. Could this day get any worse?

"When are you moving?" she asked barely controlling the voice that threatened to break.

"My stuff is already there. Alec gave me master's room," Eli bragged "The place is so amazing, can't wait till my fiends see it. By the way, Alec sends you greetings. He said to remind you of 'family business', whatever the hell that means."

This time Gill was not able to hide the cold shiver as the tremor ran down her body. Her face turned ashen. The message was crystal clear. Besides bringing back unpleasant memories it was a warning to back off or putting it in Alec's words she would have to assemble Eli from a puzzle sized pieces.

Eli had no clue of the real reasons behind the strained relations between his siblings. Gill never said what black cat had crossed their paths. His elder brother was more open on the subject. According to his version Gill had once tried to control his life the same way she was now controlling Eli's. When he didn't allow it, she was furious and their relationship was strained ever since. Knowing his sister the explanation sounded plausible and Eli never questioned it, despite the fact that it didn't really explain the level of her hated.

Besides he liked to hang around Alec, he was not so demanding and right as Gill. Alec lived in a bohemian atmosphere and Eli loved it. Besides, Alec and Zoe held the best parties in the town and Eli could easily make side money selling some drugs to his friends. Alec already promised to help him with merchandise. What else was there to wish for?

"Are you alright?" Eli asked worriedly glancing at his sister. Her face had not lost its ashen pallor and she was literally trembling.

"The ulcer is acing up," Gill replied clutching her stomach and doubling over with pain.

"Should I call for a doctor?" Eli asked reaching for the phone.

"No, it is fine. Will pass shortly. Just a bit stressful day," Gill replied pulling herself together and straightening up despite the fact that the movement made her see stars. She didn't want to worry Eli. In spite of his bravado he loved her just as much as she loved him.

"Are you sure?" Eli asked worried. Her defiant pose and confident voice didn't lessen the ashen colour on her face that was turning almost green.

"I am. Before you run away, tell me about the trip," Gill asked carefully sitting down.

"I will. Before that I wanted to ask you something."

"Short of money?" Gill enquired not a bit surprised. Unfortunately lately it was the main reason of his visits. Come to think of it, not so long ago they met simply to enjoy each other's company. Although only several months had passed Gill felt that it had been a lifetime ago.

"How did you know?"

"I always know," Gill replied with a slight smile playing at the corners of her mouth "How much?"

"Five grand," Eli replied with a pleading expression on his face.

Gill almost choked. It was not your regular coffee money for a college kid who, by the way, had a well paid side job and received monthly funds from her.

"Why?" Gill cautiously weighted his expressions.

"I need a new laptop, some books and my car has to be fixed. You have no idea how expensive the life in campus is."

Gill was silent for a while assessing his expressions. The truth was she really had no idea about the life on the campus or study expenses. She never even finished the high school. Not that it had been her choice, rather necessity. She had loved to study, was thirsty for knowledge, but it simply was not her fate. Life had made her learn all the lessons hard way, she was taught not by books, but streets.

Not seeing any traits of deceit on her brother's face Gill took the check book and started to write.

"Now tell me about the trip," she looked at the boy handing him filled piece of paper.

Eli excitedly complied, as always exaggerating his own merit. He liked to speak about himself and his lot. Gill listened to him, but the cold hand that clenched her heart never released its grip.

_Maybe that is my own fault_, not for the first time the woman wondered. Considering that she had never been able to count on their mother or Alec, Gill had raised the boy the best way she knew and taken the task very seriously. Feeling responsible that little Eli was deprived from parent's love, Gill did everything in her power to compensate the lack of affection by pampering the boy beyond the limits. After she joined the Lightman Group, she used the power to make safe environment for her little brother who at the time went into a public school with high rate of crime and violence in a neighbourhood run by gangs. The school bullies were threatened, teachers intimidated, street criminals beaten, all in the name to ensure safe environment for the boy.

When Eli grew older, he became more and more like his father and often ran into trouble because of his own stupidity. Sister never failed to rush to his aid and extinguish the fire. Regardless of the mess he was in Gill never let him know to what lengths she had to go to make the matter disappear.

Eli was not a little boy anymore, but for her he would always be the five years old skinny boy with huge eyes, curly hair and huge smile plastered on his face whenever he saw her.

Getting more and more influenced by Cal and Alec lad was getting out of control. What angered Gill up to helpless tears was the fact that there was not a damned thing she could so about it. Eli stopped listening to her a while ago and every attempt to get his attention only alienated him.

Since Eli learned that it was because of his sister's interference he was not taken seriously by the crew, he had limited all contacts with her. It hurt deeply, but what could she do? Let him get killed because of the arrogance of youth?

Besides Alec was a bad influence and tuned Eli against his sister every chance he got. Gill dreaded that Eli wouldn't have the will to keep away from the drugs. Why would he, if his idols and role models namely Alec and Cal were bloody smackheads.

Unfortunately Gill had no clue know how to make Eli see that the path he was taking could be lethal. Especially, when she herself was striding through the life with a neon sign 'Criminal'plastered on the forehead.

**tbc**


	2. Chapter - DESCENT

**TRUE COLOURS* **

**/ OTHER SHADE OF GREY /**

**Chapter 2 **

**DESCENT**

"It is very strange, we look like ourselves, only younger, but at the same time we are completely different persons," Gill tried her best to explain the experience of the virtual reality while Dr Wolf was checking her vials "Strangest thing is that there are all the people we know, but in completely different roles. It is so weird. Like my ex husband being my brother." His addiction with drugs that crossed with reality left bad taste in her mouth. Even after all this time it still was sore point.

"That is normal brain reaction. Your mind tends to use the information it has to fill the blanks and therefore uses familiar faces and situations."

"I love being in my twenties again," Cal smirked stretching in chair "Besides dark Cal is kind of fun. I hope he won't get in too much trouble."

"I like this version of you better," Gill looked at Cal lovingly "Besides I feel there are certain unresolved issues between our virtual characters. Their relationship is not simple. Actually all relationships there are not so simple."

"Always the shrink," Cal winked. Deep love and devotion playing on his face made her blush. The moment was interrupted by Dr Wolf's accent filled voice.

"We programmed the entrance parameters and characters, but your behaviour is of your own creation. It could be something you subconsciously wished for or on the contrary - feared. We don't know yet how it works, but the fact that you describe it as completely believable environment is a good indicator for our studies. Did you feel any discomfort or physical pain while there?"

"All the emotions we feel are frighteningly real. My virtual character has ulcer and at one point the pain was so intense that for a moment I almost blacked out."

"Interesting, very interesting," Dr Wolf was actively writing something in his notes "You did have some very slight changes in the blood pressure and accelerated heart rate at one point, but they were very minor. The brain activity didn't show pain reflection on physical level. What about you Dr Lightman. Any pain or discomfort during the simulation?"

"Nope. Everything was just peachy."

**x x x - x x x - x x x**

"Hello Zoe," Cal kissed dark haired woman on the cheek "Is Alec home?"

"Cal, so nice you dropped by," Zoe's face extended in a huge smile and she took a step back to let the man inside "He is not back yet."

"Bloody hell! We were supposed to meet twenty minutes ago. His cell is off," Cal hated when someone made him wait.

"You know how disorganized he has become lately," Zoe shrugged pulling her miniskirt higher up. She always fancied Cal. He was a man with right combination of power, money and looks. Far better catch than Alec. What did he see in that scout girl Gillian was beyond her.

"I always wondered how he manages to run business in a way that it never interferes with pleasure."

"You know Alec, high or not he knows how to charm and convince people," Zoe said entering large kitchen "Can I offer you something while you wait?"

"Whiskey. On rocks."

"Whiskey it is."

"I heard rumours that Eli moved with you."

"Yee," Zoe's voice was not thrilled "It was Alec's idea. Something about bonding and crap."

"Gill is not happy," Cal nonchalantly said reaching for the glass and taking a sip. There was nothing better than a qualitative whiskey to start the day.

"Is she ever? Mother superior does not like that Loker has a life of his own. Well, he is not a kid anymore. It is the last time to embrace the fact."

"Mother superior," Cal laughed out loud "That's a good one. I'll have to remember."

"By the way, before you interrupted me I was going to get stoned. Want to join?"

"Other time. I have busy day."

"Buzz killer. You even start to sound like her and your old man. Where is Cal I used to know? The one who knew how to have fun," Zoe smiled seductively as she stood right in front of him putting well manicured palm against his chest.

"I sound like myself," Cal was getting irritated. Who the fuck this bimbo was to criticize him? The mere fact that they fucked once while high didn't give her any rights to insult his ego and he roughly pushed her hand away.

"By the way, if you are interested, we have new merchandise, straight from Shanghai," Zoe said smirking as she went back to the kitchen "Coke and aphrodisiacs mixed with some other good staff, brings you to sexual heights you have never seen before."

"Sharing experience?"

"That you will never know," it was an open invitation, a challenge.

"You got me hooked. I will take some for testing," Cal's eyes glistered in anticipation. He liked coke and he loved sex – putting two together was nirvana.

"Sure. It is a shame that your woman is too pure to have some fun. You need someone from flesh and blood who knows how to satisfy your needs and not Mother Teresa."

"By flesh and blood you mean yourself?" Cal smirked.

"Why not? After all I have a lot to offer."

"Alec would be pleased to hear that," Cal couldn't refuse a bite.

"What do you see in her anyway?" Zoe was clearly offended.

"None of your damned business," Cal scolded finishing the glass and putting it on the counter.

It was not the first time Cal himself wondered what really drew him to Gillian. She was not his usual type. Nevertheless, from day one something pulled him to this broken, yet feisty creature. She was something else, something he could not label, unique combination of pureness, femininity and strength.

His father respected her wit and analytical mind; employees admired her level headedness and courage. Even when all the tables were against her Gill never backed off, never showed fear and he had to respect that. Despite everything that life had put her through, she had stayed pure at heart.

Cal was her first and still was the only man she had been with. Like his father he had his fair share of 'adventures', but it was a one way street. Cal saw in red even from a mere thought that someone else could touch her. He had made it crystal clear that he would kill with bare hands her and her lover if she ever decided to be unfaithful. Gill was his and always will be. Nothing could change that.

The man didn't realise yet that unexplainable feelings he had for the woman could be described with one simple four letter word.

x x x

The loud music was deafening. Gill hated parties. Smell of booze, sweat and pot radiating in the air reminded her of childhood and it was not a place she wanted to return to. Cal's hand was on her bare back, as they moved across the large room, stopping to greet all the right people.

Gill felt utterly uncomfortable in the unduly short and overly open cocktail dress that left too little for imagination. The piece of garment was so scarce that she felt practically naked, but there had been no point to argue with Cal when he handed her shiny white clothing.

Besides she was tired beyond belief. It was a second late night in the row and promised to be a long one. Her ulcer was acting up again. Yesterday night when she spoke with Joe, there was something she saw that had made her cautious, some sort of regret, but she had absolutely no idea what brought the emotion. Gill had managed to convince the elder man to deal with Tony, but Cal had screwed it up today by having another argument with his father. Gill was sick of being windbreaker in their complicated relationship.

Lost in her thoughts Gill didn't notice a good looking pair that approached them. Only when she heard familiar voice of her brother, she froze. Before she managed to put a mask of stone cold indifference disgust and contempt passed over her face.

"Alec, Zoe, pleasure as always. Plan to gamble some money away?" Cal asked with a huge grin on his face as he put his arms on their shoulders. To Gill's big dismay he was quickly getting drunk.

"Perhaps, we'll see you later at the poker table," Alec smiled patting Cal on the shoulder.

Zoe and Gill eyed each other coldly. They didn't get along well. Zoe hated Gill's high moral grounds and even more so the fact that grey mouse had a man of her dreams wrapped around her finger.

Gill on the other hand was not thrilled about Zoe's choice of lifestyle and called her Miss Sunshine referring to woman's overly flirtiest nature and obsessive crush on coke. Although Zoe supposedly was with her brother, they had what could be called open relationship. Zoe was passionate and feisty woman who lived for her own pleasure. In certain ways she reminded Gill of mother and maybe that was the main reason of her dislike. Certainly the fact that Zoe tried to seduce Cal every chance she got was not making them best friends either.

"Nice thought, but I have other plans tonight," Cal said meaningfully.

"Like always, business first," both men laughed at Alec's remark. In the meanwhile Zoe was greeting two men that had come to have a word with Cal and suddenly Gill was left alone with her brother.

"Sister dearest, you look stunning," Alec tried to kiss Gill's cheek, but she jerked away as if hit by electricity.

"Alec," she murmured under her nose. She had avoided her brother ever since that day. Seeing his smug face and eyes full of lust as he literally undressed her with stare almost made her threw up little food she had in her.

"Now, now, is that any way to greet beloved sibling," Alec chided, her righteous anger amused him. It was fun to make her squirm "We should organise one more family reunion, but this time let's not forget to invite Loker."

Gill looked at him shocked, mouth agape. When she thought that Alec had hit the rock bottom, he always managed to surprise her adding new levels of descent. Apparently constant drug abuse had short-circuited all the wires in his brain.

"Tell me one good reason why I shouldn't rattle you out. Not only for that, but everything else too," Gill's eyes blazed with fire. There was nothing more in the world she wanted than to put a bullet in that obnoxious face.

Gill remembered that night all too vividly. He had slipped something in her drink, something that made her mind fuzzy and sensuality thrive. In her obscured state she had taken Alec for Cal and they had made love. The thought that she had committed incest and done it willingly made her sick. Worst of all, she couldn't even say that he raped her as there was no violence involved.

"Don't make empty threats," Alec smirked, but his tone was deadly "Your pride won't let you. Besides, family comes first, isn't it right?"

Alec's gaze swept across the room where Eli stood in a rather large company. Message was crystal clear.

"Admit it, you enjoyed it as much as I did, kitten" he added inappropriately caressing the bare skin of her back as his other arm held her wrist in a deadly grip. Emphasis on the nickname used by Cal was not accidental.

Mocking tone drew Goosebumps on her delicate skin. She felt humiliated and dirty. Suddenly there was not enough air. Gill felt that she was suffocating.

Air! She needed fresh air or she was afraid that she would faint.

Gill broke free from Alec's grip and left her brother standing in the centre of the room with a smug expression on his face.

The huge terrace was empty. It was late November and night was more than just chilly, but distressed woman didn't feel the cold. Fresh air felt good on her skin and Gill leaned into the rails looking down at the city trying to stop treacherous shaking of her arms. The view was amazing. She always loved city lights in night.

The doors opened with a crack and Gill tensed. God forbid Alec had decided to torment her some more. Closing her eyes she prayed that it was not him. Anyone else, but him. Her ulcer was already bad, without further filth he could drench her in.

"Hi! Do you mind if I join you? It is getting a bit crowded there," came low baritone.

_Thank you!_ Gill thought. It was not Alec. She remembered voices, it was a gift, but she had never heard this one before. Nevertheless, for some strange reason it felt familiar.

"It is a free country," Gill replied with eyes still closed trying to fight back bile that threatened to rise.

The steps came closer to the railing, but stopped in a distance that was not invading her private space.

"You must be freezing," the voice said "Let me offer you a jacket."

"Listen, mister," Gill started turning around. Nope. She had never before seen the man.

"David. My name is David."

"Well, David, if that is the best line you can come up with..."

"It is not a line. The night is freezing and you are trembling," the man replied seriously.

Gill looked down at her arms and noticed slightly bluish pallor of the skin. The wisest thing to do would be to get back inside, before she caught pneumonia, but memory of Alec's smug expression was enough to stop her. She looked at the man. There was no trace of false pretences on his face, only deep concern. Gill was used that men approached her either to get her into bed or get to Cal (usually it was the latter). She had forgotten all about simple human communication.

"Thanks," she smiled apologetically taking the offered piece of clothing and putting it around her bare shoulders.

"What brings you out in the cold, David?" Gill enquired politely.

"Just wanted to have a bit of air, too much noise and smoke for my liking. Besides, I hate events like this. If it wasn't necessary for work, I would much rather be home with a glass of wine and good book."

Gill looked at the man. He had just voiced her thoughts aloud.

For some time they stood silent, only the noises of busy streets and the muted music from the inside gave some aliveness to the otherwise still picture. Strangely enough it was a comfortable silence.

"Do you ever gamble?" the man suddenly asked.

"That's all I do," she smirked sardonically. Come to think of it - wasn't her whole life one big gamble?

"Have you ever won?" the man kept probing.

"Yep, I just won a conversation with you," came ironic reply.

"You really are lucky!" the man genuinely smiled.

Gill raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow, but didn't say a word. They fell back into silence.

"Have you ever had a feeling that you keep going through the life, doing all the wrong things? That something important is missing?" David suddenly spoke.

"You are quite a philosopher I see," the woman smirked. Damned! Rhetoric question hit a sore point.

As if woken from a deep sleep, her senses hick in. Suddenly Gill felt beyond freezing. Quickly returning the jacket to the strange man Gill apologised and returned back inside. It was time to face the music.

Looking for the boss, Gill swept her gaze over the large crowded room. Cal was nowhere to be seen.

Gill saw Eli sitting in a huge sofa actively speaking to some girl. In desperate need to see at least one friendly face Gill moved in his direction, but suddenly stopped. Heart sank as she saw all too familiar signs of drug intoxication. Stupid smile plastered on his face and glassy eyes were just minor indications for someone who had been around junkies all life. Her biggest fears had materialised, she had not been able to keep her promise. Gill wanted to howl, as tears threatened to spill.

Suddenly strong arms grabbed her from behind and swirled around.

"Gillian, darling, you look more beautiful each time I see you," Doyle's voice roared. Before she had a chance to pull away Doyle had her in a tight embrace, hands inappropriately roaming her body before landing on her ass.

Gill cringed, but didn't say a word when his alcohol and tobacco filled breath hit her nostrils. She knew that Doyle was a family, and for Lightmans it was all about blood. Nevertheless, she didn't like the man, more so – she didn't trust him. There was something about him that made her wary. Cal had his own brand of quirky craziness, but this man scared her to bone.

Cal and Doyle were brothers in arms and had run more than enough common deals over the years. Therefore Gill knew first handily how much pleasure he got from violence, blood and death.

"Doyle! What a surprise! What brings you here?" Gill asked politely trying to get out of the grasp.

"We have a little venture to discuss with your better half. By the way, where is he? I haven't seen him yet!"

Knowing full well her attitude towards Doyle Cal had chosen to leave this little detail out. _How considerate_, Gill thought ironically.

"Should be somewhere around," Gill replied turning her head. Her eyes landed on the guy she just minutes ago met outside. David was his name?

"Let me introduce a good friend of mine and my right hand," Doyle introduced the man "David Burns."

"It is a pleasure to see you again Gillian," David said smiling.

"Wait! You two know each other?" Doyle asked surprised. Something about his tone and whole situation made Gill uneasy, but she didn't have a time to dwell on it as an arm wrapped around her shoulders, indicating that Cal was back.

"Doyle, my bro, long time no see!"

"You haven't changed a bit, junior! How is the life in exile?"

"Never better!"

Both men engaged in a huge bear hug.

"Let's have a drink and discuss business," feeling in the role of host Cal offered leading them all in the direction of private quarters.

Gill felt David's burning gaze on her. Looking at him defiantly she was surprised to find warm and worried expression.

"Have are you feeling?" he asked concerned while they followed the suite "You look pale and your arms are still shaking slightly. I feel that evening walk in fresh air hadn't gone without its consequences."

"I'm fine," Gill replied a bit annoyed. Why it was that a man she saw for the first time in life cared about her wellbeing and noticed far more than the man who supposedly was excellent at reading emotions and who had known her for over a decade? The answer was simple and left a sour taste in her mouth.

x x x

The night went on. People around, including Cal were getting drunker. Gill wanted to cry. Running mild fever, sober, hungry and miserable she wanted nothing more than to get into a bed and cry herself to sleep. The biggest disappointment of the evening was Eli. She still couldn't make herself believe that beloved boy was taking drugs. Well, considering his genes and company it was not overly big surprise, but it still hurt.

"Cal, please, I'm begging you, let's leave. Or at least let me go home, I don't feel so well," Gill tried to argue.

"I know how to raise your spirit!" Cal murmured against her neck as he kissed her.

"I'm serious."

"The night is still young, and so are we. Relax and enjoy the atmosphere! Have a drink!"

"You know I don't drink!"

„You are such a puritan sometimes," Cal smirked roughly pulling resisting woman in the corner "that I feel I'm perverting a minor!"

His assault on her neck renewed with double force. Gill tried to break free.

"Don't forget who the boss is," he hissed against her flesh pushing her even further in the wall.

„My contract of employment does not include point stating that I have to satiate your perverted desires," Gill snapped.

„That, luv, goes without saying," nothing could spoil Cal's good mood "Besides, we have not yet come even close to perverted."

Gill sighed, but didn't say a word. There was no point to argue with him while he was in this state.

Two hours later the evening went from bad to worse. Gill was talking with one of the man Cal had introduced her to earlier, when she suddenly was roughly pulled backwards. Without so much as an apology Cal dragged her to the stairs and led to the second floor where the private rooms were located.

"What were you doing flirting with that guy?" Cal attacked the woman before the doors behind them closed.

_Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_ Gill cursed under her breath. Traces of 'Magic powder' were still visible in Cal's stubble and crazed fire of intoxication burned in his eyes. Booze mixed with drugs usually made him paranoid and violent. Uncalled for fits of jealous rage was only one form of the outlet.

"You really can't hold your legs together, can you?" He shouted at her. Even sober Cal had this strange need to have scandals out of the blue. It was ten times worse when he was high.

His accusations hurt deeply. Instead of reply Gill slapped him hard across the face.

Cal slapped her back with a force that sent her down to her knees.

"You have an interesting way to say I love you..." Gill kept a cold façade on her face, fighting back tears of humiliation and anger that threatened to fall. He had been rough with her before, but never to this level.

"Bitch!" Cal's tone was deadly as he roughly dragged her back to the feet.

"I'm going home," Gill announced as she wriggled out of his grasp and headed to the doors.

"Stop!" Cal roared, but she didn't listen.

"Fuck you" she retorted opening the doors, but before she had a chance to exit, Cal had crossed the room in two huge strides, caught her by arms and roughly pulled back.

"Fine with me," he smirked dragging the resisting woman across the room and tossing her awkwardly on the king sized bed.

"Don't you dare, bastard!" Gill screamed and kicked, but one more slap across the face shut her up.

"I said you will enjoy the party and you will," Cal was slightly slurring the words as he climbed on top of her. From experience Gill knew that resisting would only make him rougher, so she gave up. What was the point anyway? He would get his way with her consent or without. Not for the first time she was on the receiving end of his quirks.

With one arm tightly wrapped around her neck and keeping her mouth shut he forcefully pushed something against her face.

When Gill realised what it was, desperation threatened to overtake her and she doubled the efforts to break free. Gill was holding her breath as long as she could, but when she thought that she would pass out from the lack of oxygen, she finally inhaled the white powder Cal was forcefully holding against her nose. It was the same one he earlier got from Zoe.

Next moment Gill's body slacked and involuntary moan escaped her lips as she was carried away in a world of bliss.

When Gill regained consciousness, she found herself in the same room where Cal had dragged her earlier. Dress up her waist, straps down revealing more than fair share of cleavage and sore feeling between her legs left little questions what had happened. She felt like a cheap whore. Almost choking from angry tears Gill tried to get up. The world around was spinning.

Why? Why shit always happened to her?

Cal could be inconsiderate, even rough at times, but never before he had pulled a stunt like this. He knew how much she resented drugs, didn't want to be even near them. How could he do this to her? How could he betray her trust?

Finally gathering enough strength to stand she moved from underneath man's arm and standing up on shaky legs headed to the mirror.

Eyes bloodshot and glassy, makeup diffused, hair dishevelled; strap was torn from her already scarce dress revealing breast. Cheek were he slapped her was reddish and swollen. She not only felt like a cheap slut, she also looked like one. Like through haze Gill remembered that when they entered the connecting doors to the other room had been open revealing several of Cal's men.

It meant that the earlier episode would be on people's tongues for weeks. It alone was bad enough, but the fact that she had to wear the reminder of it on her face made her miserable.

She had to get home! Gill didn't care what Cal would think when he woke and she was not by his side. She was angry with him for treating her this way, more so, she was angry with herself for letting him.

Tears of anger and frustration threatened to break free as she tried to pull herself together.

With trembling hands she let her hair lose and brushed them, took the powder from her purse and straightened her makeup, covering the red marks. Last, but not the least she took Cal's jacket to cover herself up. The dress was ruined beyond decency.

With one last miserable look in the mirror Gill finally mustered enough courage to exit the room. The party was continuing in full measure, although now it looked more like a mix of a fancy discotheque and modern day Roman orgy. She caught knowing stare of some of the people she passed. Only her pride didn't let her fall apart.

Legs felt wobbly, mind foggy and gaze fuzzy. It took a great effort to concentrate and put one foot in front of other without falling over. How Cal and Alec managed to conduct business deals while high was beyond her. She felt like a shit. Suddenly strong arms steadied her.

"Let me escort you," Came familiar voice "Where are you headed?"

It was a man. The same one she met earlier on the balcony. He was with Doyle. She could not remember his name.

"Home!" Was all Gill was able to muster.

The fresh air helped with nausea, but strong chills started to rock her body. Never in her life had Gill felt so shitty.

David led her to his car and carefully helped her sit down on the passenger side chair.

"What did you take?" he asked angrily taking her chin and looking in her clouded eyes "I thought you knew better than that."

_Jesus!_ He thought she was an addict. Well, considering her company it was not overly surprising, but it still hurt. Only thing left was pride.

Gill looked at the man with venomous expression on her face "Are you my priest now?"

"Don't you know that drugs kill?" David's voice was laced with worry.

"Geeez, you think," Gill's voice trembled despite her best effort to stay in the character.

"Fine, let's get you home," David started the engine.

x x x

Gill was lying silently in her bed. She was sick of everything and everyone; sick of being tricked, pushed and forced into things she had no desire to be a part of, sick of false accusations, of life itself. She wanted to disappear, leave the Lightman Group, Cal and go somewhere where no one knew her, but at the same time in her heart Gill knew that it was a dream that would never come true. Where would she go anyway?

Gill never finished a high school. Running errands for Lightmans from barely legal age she knew every piece of dirt buried in the yard, every skeleton securely tugged in the closet. It was not a day-job one could simply quit. Besides, Cal had this crazy streak of possessiveness. He would never willingly let her go, unless he got sick of her, but even that didn't guarantee that he would leave her alive.

With sudden clarity Gill remembered sleeping pills in the upper drawer of the bedside table. She got them for insomnia that kept bothering her lately. For some strange reason the thought of never waking up suddenly felt very appealing.

Why not? After all death from the drug overdose ran in the family.

Gill pushed herself into a sitting position and with trembling hand pulled the drawer open, took the bottle and spilled the content in her palm as she reached for the glass of water.

She stared at the objects in her shaking palms for a long time and finally realised, that she couldn't go with it. Gill would never forgive herself, if she chose the easy path and left Eli alone in this nest of vipers. She was a fighter after all.

"No!" desperate scream startled her "Are you nuts?"

Gill almost dropped everything she was holding. Somehow she had completely forgotten about the man.

"Are you always suicidal when high?" David asked in a calmer tone freeing her hands "Why are you trying to destroy yourself?"

"Everyone needs a hobby," Gill said humourlessly. David's voice felt almost thunderous against her migraine.

Seeing him Gill partially recalled everything that led to this moment. Their drive home. The nausea that hit her hard as soon as they entered the apartment. David's firm arms steadying her while she heaved over the toilet. He had checked her arms for needle marks. Helped her get into warm clothes and tugged her in a blanket as cold chills kept ravaging her petite body. He had made her drink some awfully tasting warm liquid. At one point he had entered the room with a full syringe in hand. Gill had felt so bad that she didn't even bother to ask what it was or where he got it. At that point she even prayed for it to be some poison that would finally knock her out, release her from suffering. Apparently those were sedatives, because she remembered warm feeling overtaking her as the body finally relaxed and she dozed off. Colourful dreams were more like hallucinations where reality was mixed with imagination.

"You are smart, strong and beautiful woman, Gillian. You are way better than that."

"Live fast die young, isn't that the best way to go?" she snapped. For some reason words from an old song her mother used to listen to entered her mind _"Sex and drugs and rock and roll is all my brain and body need. Sex and drugs and rock and roll are very good indeed." _

_Ye, right, what I need indeed! What a load of crap! _She had always hated the lyrics and not without a reason.

"I know a good rehabilitation centre."

"Talking from experience?"

"No."

"How long are you on drugs?" Worst of all was that his voice didn't held any accusations, only deep care and worry.

"Leave me alone!" Angry tears appeared on the corners of her eyes. Despite her brusqueness she felt shattered. Why it stung so much? Since when did she care what Doyle's lackeys thought of her?

"How long?" his voice was getting stony edge.

"I'm not taking them, you moron," Gill almost screamed.

"Really?" His tone was mocking.

"Get the fuck out of here!" Gill screamed tossing a cushion at his head. It landed on the rug at the bed foot. She simply couldn't take any more humiliation. Tears flew freely down her chalk white cheeks and she broke down in heart wrenching sobs.

Strong arms encircled her "Shhh... It will be alright. You can fight this..."

Gill was hysterical, trying to break free with all the strength left, but David only tightened his grip. Completely out of breath she finally slacked. A desperate need to know that someone believed her overtook the woman.

"I'm ... not ... addict. It was ... the first time..." Gill choked through sobs "He ... he forced me."

David didn't say a word, but his expression became stone hard as he held and slightly rocked uncontrollably crying woman.

**x x x – x x x – x x x**

Gill woke with a start. First thing she saw was Cal's worried gaze upon her. When he tried to hug her slightly trembling form, Gill's first reaction was to pull away. She barely managed to control her reflexes. Question '_How could you do this to me?'_ was still on the tip of her tongue.

"Darling, shake out of it," Cal tried to calm her "You know it was not for real, right? I would never hurt you! Never! Especially like that, never like that!"

All the events seemed too real.

Memories were so vivid, that it took some time before Gill managed to clear her mind and relax taut muscles. Still Cal's close proximity didn't make her feel safe and secure, like it always did.

The feelings that she was used and betrayed by the man she trusted and loved did not disappear.

x x x

It was late night. Cal was sound asleep, his arm securely wrapped around her waist. Gill couldn't bring herself to join him in the wonderful world of dreams; mind overwhelmed with emotions. Peace refused to settle in her rattled heart.

The events of the virtual reality and the emotions there did not let her go. It all seemed so real, so true. The fact that she had taken drugs, even if only virtually had really shaken her. To get tangled with the deadly addiction was something Gill really dreaded, especially after everything that she went through with Alec.

She told Cal once: _Some days are good, some - not so good._ That was a truly subtle way of putting it.

The appearance of David and feelings the whole encounter provoked also disturbed her. Intuition said that it was not a simple coincidence. Question _why_ didn't left Gill's mind.

Unable to relax, she finally got up and went downstairs to have a cup of herbal tea. Although it was said that peppermint gave tonus, it always helped Gill to calm down.

She had just sat down with a hot cup in her hands when rugged form of half asleep Cal appeared.

"Darling, why are you up so late?" he asked yawning as he moved over to sit beside her on the coach.

"Insomnia," Gill replied apologetically "Did I wake you?"

"Nope, but the bed felt empty and cold without you," Cal smiled kissing her lips. He looked at her more closely and all the sleep left his eyes "What is bothering you, luv?"

"It is nothing," Gill tried to shrug nonchalantly.

"You know that I see it..." Cal chided gently.

"It is just the whole thing; this experiment is making me... nervous," Gill said thoughtfully "I don't like the turn of events there and the way they make me feel here."

"You know that it is not real, it is just a video game, a 3D movie?"

"I know, but it does not ease my mind."

"You want to quit?" Cal asked seriously, worry for her wellbeing written all over his face "Just say the word!"

"No, yes, I don't know..." Gill tried to formulate the thought. Finally with a sight she said "It is just one more time, right?"

"Yep, one more time, and we are getting our dream."

"Fine," Gill smiled "We are getting our dream."

"Are you sure?" Cal asked carefully reading her eyes "We can quit if you don't feel like it. You are more important that all the money in the world."

"I'm not sure" Gill said truthfully "But I know I can make it one more time."

"Really?"

"Really!"

"That's my girl," Cal leaned over and passionately kissed her lips.

It is needless to say that for the next hour sleep was the last thing either of them thought about.

**tbc**


	3. Chapter - THE DEPTH

**TRUE COLOURS* **

**/ OTHER SHADE OF GREY /**

**Chapter 3**

**THE DEPTH**

After the party Gill fell sick, case of severe bronchitis. David was right; her need for fresh air didn't go without consequences. Speaking of the devil, she hadn't seen the man since the day he nursed her back to her senses after her first and hopefully last experience with coke or whatever the hell Cal had pumped her with.

As for the man of the hour (or more precisely – night), Cal showed up on her doorsteps with flowers and apologies. Surprisingly he really regretted the way he had treated her and was doing everything in his power to amend the guilt. He had tended her during last weeks and Gill was starting to believe that at least some part of him did care after all.

Gill had never really fallen ill, unless you count a bullet wound a disease, it was something she could not afford. The concept of lying around was strange to her. Only weeks later four walls of her home were starting to drive her nuts.

Musical melody of the Blue Danube and vibration of her mobile phone shattered silence. It was Carlos, only employee who was loyal to her and not the Lightmans. Gill had helped the man once, big time and ever since he felt indebted, but even more than that he respected her.

"There is a shit the size of avalanche..." worried voice came over receiver and Gill's gut clenched.

x x x

_Pick up! Please, pick up!_ Gill begged as she started the engine. Eli was not reachable.

Shit! Why her life always had to be so fucked up? According to Carlo Alec had ditched the Triad, pocketed the money, but never delivered the merchandize. Twenty million. That was a serious amount, even for Chinese. Gill knew her brother well. Alec maybe was a scumbag, but he was too spineless creature to stand against one of the most powerful mafia clans. No, there was something else going on. Someone had set him up.

Who? Why?

Although it was not Gill's main concern as she hit the gas. The fact that they were out to get Alec didn't bother her as much as the fact that Eli could get hurt in the process. Gill's heart filled with dread as images of her brother, injured or dead floated her mind. Breaking every possible traffic rule Gill's car flew across the city. Eli still was not picking up.

Pulling in the driveway of the huge mansion where Alec lived Gill flew out the car before engine stopped running. Black sedans parked haphazardly in the usually empty parking lot didn't promise anything good. Gill knew that she most probably was walking into a trap, but didn't care as she rushed upstairs skipping two steps at a time. With a gun drawn in her hand the woman kicked the front doors open only to find herself eye to eye with a barrel of a gun.

Despite peculiar situation, Gill's training kicked in. She lifted her arms up in surrender while eyes scanned the room with icy precision. It was literally turned upside down; even the large leather coach that majestically stood in the middle was cut open. No bodies, no trace of blood, only three armed men with clearly oriental origin dressed in black. Due to the mess around it was impossible to tell whether there had been a fight.

The standstill didn't last long. One look in the man's that was holding her at gunpoint eye was enough to understand the direction of the whole encounter. No negotiations at this stage.

_Fine with me!_ Gill thought as she ducked, kicked the surprised man in knee and turned him around in a way that he was acting like a human shield. Gill's sweet and innocent looks always helped her in situations like this. No one ever anticipated that Cal had forced her to master art of combat. Once she had resented the man for pushing her so hard, but it had proven to be very handy on more than one occasion.

Blur of motions registered out of the corner of her eye and sheer pain ran through her skull. Gill felt herself fall. Focused on the two goons in the room she hadn't heard silent steps in the hallway as a man approached from behind. Through dim haze Gill felt that gun was forcefully kicked from her palm, cold metal of handcuffs zipped around her wrists and rope tightened her ankles. They were professionals. Even in her half-conscious state Gill fought, but to no avail. She was easily overpowered. Strong arm lifted her head and put something against her nose. Strong scent of chloroform entered her nostrils and Gill's body slacked.

Rough arms grabbed the unconscious form, tossed over shoulder and carried away.

x x x

Gillian flinched from the pain as consciousness started to play just outside her reach. Her temple was pounding, dried blood stuck to her forehead and her limbs were stiff. When Gill tried to move, she realised that she was tightly tied to something. Slight movement behind her indicated that it was rather someone than something. The room around was dark and spinning. Once her head cleared Gill saw unmistakable outlines of a basement.

Nice! Why the lunatics always came in set with a basement? Crude adaption of _'buy one get one free' _campaign?

"Eli?" Gill asked with a tremor in her voice trying to wriggle her neck, but the pain in her skull stopped her motions.

"Close, but no cigar," came familiar voice of Alec "Good to see you are finally up and kicking sister dearest!"

"What is going on?"

"You tell me!"

"What the fuck did you do, Alec?"

"I didn't do anything!" Alec's voice was defiant, even offended. It was the truth. He really had no clue what had brought Triad's wrath on him. When armed men appeared on his doorsteps he willingly went with them hoping that the misunderstanding would be shortly resolved. They had put a hood over his head, drove him here and left without as much as explanation. Not so long after unconscious form of his sister was carried in, tied to him and they were left alone.

"Cut the crap!" Gill's voice turned angry "Carlo told me you set up Wong Liu for twenty millions."

"Odd," Alec said thoughtfully.

_Odd?_ Odd was several exits ago. This was Looney town, city centre.

Sudden realisation hit Alec and his voice distorted with anger "Lightman, that son of the bitch sat me up!"

"What?" Gill was truly surprised. It was beyond Looney town, they were falling into twilight zone.

"Does it really look like mine master plan?"

No. Of course it didn't. He was the middle man, a sliding and sucking up leech that simply put two sides together; he rarely ever participated in the deals himself. The information on demand and supply was his business. Despite Gill's dislike to her brother Cal always had good relations with him, even used his services time to time. Why would he do this?

Wheels started to turn in her head. Past events started to play in front of her eyes. The bust. Wong Liu. Joe's visit. The party. Doyle. Cal's strange behaviour, guilt in his eyes. Bits and pieces of information scattered here and there started to make a picture. It was not full, but clear enough to realise that Alec had a point. If that was the case, they were doomed.

More she thought about it, more sense it made. After fiasco with Chinese, Lightman needed a scapegoat to rehabilitate his position with eastern partners. Alec and Cal had set up some deal during the party. Not that she knew what it was about, but the fact that Alec had so quickly put two and two together spoke volumes. He hadn't seen this coming though. Knowing Cal everything was set up so perfectly that no matter what they said right now, Wong Liu would not believe a single word.

The irony of the whole situation was that she was not even supposed to be here. If Carlo wouldn't have called and she, afraid for Eli's life, wouldn't have made the mistake of going to Alec's apartment, the whole mess would have blown pass her. Eli was her Achilles' heel, emotions always overruled mind when it came to her little brother.

Worst of all they had no bargaining chip, no ace in the sleeve that could help them come out of this alive, besides miracle. For a tiniest second Gill let herself believe that if Cal knew she was here, he would come for her. At the same time she understood how naive the thought was. _Sorry Gill, it is just a business_.

"Eli! Where is he?"

Before Alec had a chance to reply, the doors opened with a thud and at least dozen Chinese men dressed in dark suits entered, positioning themselves strategically in the empty room. Wong Liu was among them. He stepped forward and in clear English asked "Where is my money?"

"You should ask her," Alec replied trying to sound nonchalant, but the fear in his voice was clearly audible "After all, it is her boyfriend who has it!"

"I will not beg!" the man announced proudly "Prepare the girl!"

_Prepare? Prepare for what?_ Did she even want to know?

"Until you tell us where the money is, you will watch helplessly as your blood suffers."

Gill swallowed hard. They didn't realise the hopelessness of the plan. Her family was not exactly Brady bunch even on the best days. If Alec had taken the money, he wouldn't say anything unless it was his neck on fire. Now, when he was pissed at Cal, her suffering was the only retribution the man could get.

Her big misfortune was that for Wong Liu, just like for Lightmans, it was all about blood. When it came to the family it was eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

As she was untied and dragged over to a pool that stood in the middle of the room, her eyes locked with Alec's. Seeing barely hidden smirk on his face Gill knew that she was right. Her torture would be his ultimate revenge.

Alec knew that Cal was not indifferent to his sister. The knowledge that genial plan to set him up had unexpectedly backfired would teach the arrogant bastard a lesson. Besides he had his own scores to settle with his repulsively perfect sis.

Even as a child she had been better than him at everything. Before their family fell apart it was always _Gill this_ and _Gill that_. She was bright and adorable girl and parents spent more time with her than they ever did with him. When after all those years Alec returned to live with his father, Gill was all the old man spoke about. It made him mad.

Time went on and a lot changed, but that cultivated anger and resentment that Alec carried in his heart never disappeared. They hadn't seen each other for long, but when she appeared on his doorsteps beautiful like an angel and asking for help, all the repressed emotions surfaced at once. He wanted to see her fall from the pedestal, white wings tainted and crashed. Hatred mixed with desire. He wanted her pure, he wanted her broken, he wanted her...

Gill's hands were tied together with a rope and she was lifted up in the air. Wrapping palms around the material to lessen the impact on her wrists Gillian lifted her head up high. She would not show her fear, would not give Alec satisfaction to hear her beg. Besides she knew Wong Liu. It would not help anyway.

Before Gill knew what happened, all the air was forcefully hit out of her lungs as she was mercifully drenched from head to toes with a strong stream of ice cold water. It was so intense that she literally had to fight for breath, swallowing spurts of freezing liquid, lungs filled with water as she gasped for air. Where they planning to drown her?

As unexpectedly as it started, the strong stream disappeared leaving her breathless, drenching wet and shivering. The man responsible for Gill's current state put the hose down. Before the woman regained her bearings, burning fire ran through her body and she tossed and wriggled in the air like a fish on a dry land. The pain was blinding, as electricity ravished fragile body. Each jolt felt like an eternity, Gill's lower lip was bleeding as she kept biting it to prevent herself from screaming. Pure pride forbade her to show those bastards true extend of her suffering.

Again and again cold metal pierced her soft skin, and body resumed the agonizing dance. The pain was so intense that Gill lost all the feel of time and space. Only her ragged breathing and heart thundering in her temples could be heard as all the outside noises dissipated.

Suddenly white light blinded her and Gill lost all the senses. It was the strangest feeling ever. Gill felt like she was floating in the air. There was no gravity. Her body weight was gone as if she consisted only from her mind. The white light lost its intensity and like through fog Gill saw a room with people dressed in white moving around. The picture finally cleared and she saw her lifeless body lying on a table, the heart monitor wired to her indicated flat line. Although the room was equipped, it looked nothing like a hospital. The sound was muted, but from the movements it was clear that the figures in white were performing CPR. Defibrillator was charged. Her body shook with the force of electricity. Nothing. The line still flat.

Charge.

Shock.

The line running flat.

Charge.

Shock.

Blinding white light dazzled her for the second time. Gill moaned, her senses were back and with them returned the pain. Every inch of her body was on fire, even hairs on her skin hurt, mouth tasted like iron and burnt.

A feather light touch caressed her face, traced bloody lips and moved down to her cleavage, drawing lazy circles around her breasts.

Opening eyes she saw Alec sitting by her side with a huge grin on his face, eyes clouded and full of desire. The man was high. Son of the bitch had a stash with him and instead of looking for a way out had used the opportunity to get stoned. Moron!

"Get your dirty paws off me," the woman wheezed unable to make her hurting muscles cooperate "If we get out of here, I will kill you myself!"

"It could be interesting to see you try," Alec smirked "But we both know that we won't make it out of here in one piece."

He was right. Gill was not sure she would survive one more meeting with the jumper cables. At this point she highly doubted that she even wanted to. What was the point, if they both would die anyway?

"How long was I out?" Gill asked trying to move her arms, only to find them still bound somewhere above her head. Damned! Why the hell Alec was free?

Looking down Gill noticed a tray of water, some cotton and antiseptics tossed on the concrete. That explained it. By taking care of his injured sibling Alec was supposed to feel her pain and crack. How considerate! Only problem was that the hell would freeze over before it happened!

"Couple of hours, I think."

Strange. In her unexplainable dream or vision it had felt like mere seconds.

"Where did they go?"

"Said something about giving time to mend our family ties and bounds, promised to be back tough," Alec replied moving his hand south.

Gill was not sure anymore what scared her more. The wrath of the Triad or perverted sexual desires she saw on the 'Thing' that supposedly was her brother.

Before Alec had a chance to do something even more inappropriate, the steel doors opened and Wong Liu together with his men re-entered the large basement room. One of the goons roughly cut the rope that tied Gill's hands above the head and dragged the woman to her feet by a rope he unceremoniously put around her neck. Although Gill tried to stand on her own, it was difficult task with arms still tied together and the rope mercifully squeezed her throat.

"I believe you had a chance to think," Wong Liu coldly addressed Alec "Where is my money?"

"Let me go, I will bring you the money. My sister will stay as a guarantee of my good will and cooperation," Alec tried to negotiate.

Gill looked at the bastard barely containing rage. Blood sucking leech! He was saving his skin by sacrificing hers. She couldn't say a word as the rope dug deeper in her throat crushing vocal cords. The room was starting to spin.

Before Wong Liu had a chance to make up his mind, the sound of gun fire and fight could be heard in a distance. Wong Liu barked something in Chinese and his men rushed out of the room. Only two stayed behind, one who was strangling Gillian and other, who held Alec at gunpoint.

It was the perfect window of opportunity!

Gill slacked against the man, barely even breathing. He lessened the grip. Apparently the last order hadn't been to kill them. Good! It was a starting point. With a sudden movement Gill smashed her head back hard, without doubts breaking the man's nose as her bound arms reached for his gun pointing it at the other Triad member and pulling the trigger. The man fell. Alec ducked fearing for his life.

One down, one to go!

Her attacker had come to his senses. He launched himself at Gill with such a power that they both ended up on a floor, tangled in a deadly fight. The gun went off. Gill froze prepared to feel pain as bullet penetrated her body, but none came. She was covered in blood, but there was no pain. Slowly it occurred that the warm liquid pouring down was not hers. The body on top of her had become dead weight, fresh head wound bleed heavily. Reclining her head backwards Gill saw Alec with a smoking gun in his arm.

Next second the doors burst open and four men dressed in S.W.A.T. uniforms appeared. Three quickly disarmed Alec and putting a hood on his face escorted him from the room. Dead weight was pulled from Gill's body and masculine arm checked her pulse. The man was looking for injuries, but finding none came to the same conclusion that she had just minutes ago. Majority of the blood she was covered in was not hers.

Out of the frying pan into the fire, just her luck!

Considering her ties with Lightmans, she would not be considered innocent victim in all this mess, although this time it was absolute truth.

The man pulled Gill get on her feet, but the sudden movement made her dizzy. The world spun around her like a sickening merry-go-round and the lights went off.

Masculine arms lift the body, before it hit the ground.

x x x

When Gill regained consciousness, she found herself in a bed, up to the chin securely covered with a blanked. Eyes scanned the room. It was a motel and not the best one either. Gill checked her limbs, she was not bound. It was a nice change. Pushing the covers off the woman carefully stood. Her muscles still ached, but at least she was mobile. Putting an arm to her head Gill found that she had a patch on the forehead; stickiness of the dried blood was gone. Her wrists were cleaned and nicely bandaged.

The front doors opened and familiar masculine figure dressed in jeans and tank-top entered the room and stopped in front of her. For some time both figures just stared at each other not saying a word.

Gill was catching every micro-expression on man's face, every twitch of muscles, wheels in her head worked overtime. Finally she put two and two together.

"You are a cop you son of the bitch!" Gill hissed slapping David hard on the face as tears sprang to her eyes. The sound of flesh meeting flesh pierced the air. Tensing Gill closed her eyes and leaned back waiting for the reply slap. None came. Upon opening eyes she was greeted with Burn's dumbfounded and hurt stare.

"How could you think, even for a tiniest second, that I would raise a hand at you?" he asked visibly offended.

It was time for Gillian to be dumbfounded. It was not a conscious thought, but a simple reflex. Cal wouldn't have this moral debate. He was rather '_if __someone strikes you__ on one __cheek__, strike back'_ kind of guy than the one who turned the other cheek. The party had confirmed it.

"How are you feeling?" David asked with genuine concern in his voice.

"Why am I here?" straightening up in defiant pose and lifting up her chin Gill decided to cut the pleasantries.

"Would you rather be in a prison?" David asked.

"It depends..."

"On what?"

"What do you want?"

Her spirit and direct approach reminded David of someone he knew and it drew a smile on his lips.

"I want to help you," David said sincerely.

Gill's eyebrows shoot up "Help me with what?"

"Help you to change your life."

"Who would have thought, cop by profession, Todd Bockman by heart," Gill laughed coldly "So short of volunteers that you have started to kidnap people in order to change their lives?"

"It is not a kidnapping," David objected.

"Fine, be it you way, Mr Wise guy. Who says I want to change anything?"

"I saw it in your eyes when we met. I know what he did to you last time. I'm not speaking only about the drugs," David slowly said measuring each word "Tell me, you like this life? Do you really want to be with Lightman? Do his biddings 24/7, day and night?"

Gill's lower lip started to quake, last part hit too close to the home. Damn the man! It felt like he saw right through her. Was it some freaking movie where the main character alias she meets her conscience and is forced to re-evaluate her whole life?

"For the sake of argument let's assume you are right. What is the price?" Gill asked in the same cold tone "Everything in this live comes with a price tag attached so spit it out."

Actually she didn't really need his reply. The direction of the whole conversation started to form certain shape. All she had to do was to hand over Cal and Uncle Sam would offer her a deal, story old as the world.

Only why some shabby motel and not the precinct? What was he counting on? On her cooperation followed by free of charge bonus? Well, considering the circumstances of the night they met he had his reasons to consider her a cheap whore.

Suddenly the man looked unsure, even confounded as he lowered his eyes and turned away. Gill tensed. What was going on?

Instead of replying to her previous question David changed the subject.

"I know Alec is your brother, but he is too tangled up in this mess to be saved."

The sound of her brother's name made Gill cringle and she tensed even more, cold shivers ran down her spine.

"That son of the bitch could rot in hell for all I care," she hissed, although her feelings were not as clear and straight as before. He had saved her life after all. It meant that somewhere underneath was the same boy she once called big brother. Anyway her Adams family relationships with relatives were none of David's concerns.

"What happened between the two of you?" David asked taken aback by the strong hatred radiating from her stormy grey eyes.

"None of your damned business," Gill hissed coldly, suddenly remembering her brother's eyes full of desire as his arm roamed over her body. To say that her emotions were confused would be understatement of the year. David's probing angered her beyond limits.

What was his problem with her anyway? Why he simply couldn't leave her alone?

Suddenly sharp pain ran through her like a lightning and Gill doubled over in pain. David rushed over in an attempt to help her, but was stopped by Gill's outstretched hand.

"Leave me alone! I'm fine!" Gill tried to sound pissed, but it came out somewhat weak.

"Tell that to your ulcer," David ignored her attempts to push him away and putting arm around her waist guided the woman to the bed.

"Let go of me!" Gill demanded wriggling out of his grasp, but all her attempts were futile "Leave me alone!"

"No," the man replied calmly, but firmly "You have been alone for too long. It is time you learn to receive help."

Gill stared at him with huge eyes as he sat her down and gently pushed back into cushions. How much did he really know about her life?

David left her side only to return with a bottle of Pepto-Bismol in his arms that he handed over.

"You are well prepared, real boy scout," Gill's tone didn't hold the level of sarcasm she had intended to.

David retreated to the medical kit that stood on the table in the corner. This time he extracted a syringe and filled it with some liquid from a small bottle.

"What is that?"

"Mild sedatives. They will help you to relax."

"I don't want any drugs!"

"You have to relax, otherwise you will hurt yourself even more and end up in the hospital. Is that what you want?" David tried to argue, his eyes pleading. Sincerity was written all over his face.

"Fine," Gill sighed stretching out one arm. If he had wanted to hurt her, he could have done it while she was out. The injection made her feel warm and cozy, her tout muscles finally relaxed. The medication was quickly making her drowsy.

Already half asleep Gill murmured under her nose "Why are you helping me?"

Was it just her imagination or the man really almost inaudibly whispered, _because_ _I care_.

x x x

When Gill woke, it was the middle of the night. She was still in the same motel room. David had made a makeshift bed on the floor, steady rise and fall of his chest indicated that he was sound asleep. What a gentleman!

As silently as she could, Gill rose from the bed and moved across the room.

"Where do you think you are going?" came deep, rusty voice.

"I need to use the bathroom, if you don't mind," Gill tried to hide the surprise.

"And come to think that I thought you tried to sneak away," David smiled standing up "Hungry?"

Was he a mind reader or what?

"Nope, but you can help yourself," Gill said demonstratively heading to the bathroom.

"You should take better care of yourself," David chided "It is not healthy to starve, especially in your condition."

Gill didn't reply, closing the doors behind with a bang. Sitting down on the edge of the shower Gill tried to decide what to do next. He was strong and well trained, besides for some strange reason always knew what she was planning to do. She was no match for him in her weakened state. For a moment Gill wondered what his reaction would be, if she simply walked out of the front doors. Would he arrest her, call cops and drag her to the station? He had never answered why she was here. Alec and Wong Liu were arrested, that much was clear. What made her fate different? Gill didn't understand the man. It was so annoying to be on the other side of the table. She made her living by reading people. Why it was so impossible to read him?

Loud bang on the doors interrupted her thoughts "Are you alright? Need help?"

"Just a minute," Gill replied reaching over the toilet and without even lifting the lid pushed the water.

Exiting the bathroom she leaned against the door frame and stayed there.

David stood with his back turned to her in the part of the room that was equipped as a kitchen. He was making some sandwiches. Water in the kettle was starting do boil.

"How are you feeling?" he asked without turning around.

"I'm fine."

"You have to release all the bottled up emotions. They are eating you alive," David said "You are slowly destroying yourself."

Gill's lips twitched "Cop, cook, doctor and shrink. Simply full blown cornucopia."

"I'm also an excellent lover," David smiled. It was meant as a joke, but suddenly he felt uncomfortable and turned back to the task at hand. Once he finished with sandwiches, he reached above his head to get the cups.

"Your ulcer, the stress has direct impact on your health."

What did he knew about the stresses of her life?

"You need to talk to someone, learn to shear the burdens you have been carrying around for years."

"By someone you mean yourself, I assume?" Gill smirked.

"Not necessarily. There are professionals..."

"A shrink?" Gill's eyebrows flew rocket high. She could imagine herself on a sofa pouring out guts about murders, tortures and other illegal activities she had witnessed over the years.

"If it helps, then yes."

"I don't think so. They are useless sons of bitches cashing pay checks for mental masturbation."

David laughed at her comparison. The crude language Gill sometimes used was complete contradiction with the sweet and innocent face.

"Why am I here?" Gill coldly asked.

David froze from the change of atmosphere. She could go from hundred to zero in a split second.

"I didn't want to see you arrested. Especially for something you didn't do."

"Why do you care?"

The room fell into silence. David stopped moving, his back still turned to her. When Gill had already given up hope to receive any answer, David turned around. The expression on his face made her take a step back.

"I care about you," came a soft reply, as the man moved closer.

"Why? Why do you care? If you haven't noticed we play for opposite teams, or you care because Uncle Sam told you to?" Gill was getting agitated. His proximity and the feelings that surfaced with it scared living hell out of the woman.

"You know that it is not true," David said locking his eyes with hers as he stepped even closer, invading her private space.

"What do you want?" Gill's voice was small, like of a scared girl.

The reply sent hot shivers down her spine as Gill tried to take one more step back only to find herself pressed tightly against wall.

One three letter world "You" should never bear so much meaning and raw emotions.

Gill literally trembled as David leaned closer and gently brushed her lips with his. Moving his hands around the small frame he pulled Gillian closer. His breath was hot against her ear as he whispered "I have no idea how you survived all those years in this den of vipers and I'm sorry you had to go through it all, but I promise that it will get it better. I will take you away from there, that life."

Silent tears started to fall down Gill's beautiful face. Suddenly she wanted to believe in this dream more than she had ever wanted to believe in anything.

"Promise?" the woman asked with hope in her voice.

"Promise," deep sound of his voice was muffled in her hair as he kissed her neck.

x x x

David had fallen asleep, happy and satisfied smile played on his lips. Gill's naked body was pressed against his warmth, head rested on his shoulder as she listened to the steady rhythm of his heart beat. Mind was replaying the events of the night.

Although she and Cal had active sex life, David was the first man, who had truly made love to her.

With Cal it was constant roller-coaster. Their highs were high, but their lows... Gill didn't even want to finish the thought. David was like a safe harbour amidst a storming sea.

Single tear ran down woman's battered face. At last she had found someone with whom she felt loved and cherished, who didn't treat her like a property or used her for his own pleasure. She had loved Cal once with all her heart, even now after everything that had happened she held some feelings for him, but the man had changed so much. He was not the same person he once was. Money, power and especially powder had hit him hard in the head. Cal had become aggressive and unpredictable. The man always had his quirks, but they turned more and more cruel lately. To take for the example the stunt at the party. He had practically raped her.

With David it was completely different. He was loving and giving, caring and gentle. The intensity of his gaze, the intimacy they shared scared and aroused her at the same time. It felt so real, so true.

Still she was afraid of what these feelings could mean. They could never have each other as long as Cal was in the picture.

A quote from a children book she used to read to Eli while they were kids entered Gill's mind _"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."_

Until now she never realised how true those words could be.

x x x

"Morning Sunshine, did you sleep well?" Gill woke to the aromatic smell of coffee. David only in his jeans was leaning over the bed with a cup of warm liquid in his arms. Kissing her lips the man smiled. It was a sweet and chaste brush over her skin and Gill's heartbeat accelerated. Before she had a chance to pull him closer, David's phone started to ring.

"Sorry, darling! I have to take this one," he apologised and hitting the answer button exited the room, albeit his masculine form was still visible though the large window.

With the cup in hands Gill was observing the man as he moved back and forth on the porch. She didn't hear the conversation, but the emotions playing on David's face suddenly made her heart sink.

Affection.

Care.

Love.

Angry tears sprang to eyes and Gill wanted to howl from her own stupidity. It was not some Disney fairytale ending, but the real life. The one that bite you in the ass whenever there was a chance. What was she hoping for? That a good decent guy like David could ever love someone as unworthy and tainted as her? Was she really so naive and believed that David led a life of missionary, didn't have a woman in his life?

Someone educated, spotless and normal, someone who was exact opposite of her.

They fucked and that was it, no strings attached. It had been just a chemical reaction, hormones playing high. Besides, why a thought that a man used her would be surprising? No one had ever cared how she felt. Why this time would be different?

She should suck it up and go on with her life, like always. Then why did it hurt so much? Why did she felt even more betrayed and used than after Cal's stunt in the party?

Did she really believe David's words of better life? Believed his passionate kisses and claims that she was worth far more than she believed?

Humourless laugh escaped her lips at the ridiculousness of it all, _her prince in shining armour! What idiotism!_

She was Cal's property, bought and paid for, nothing would ever change that.

David came back in the room "Sorry for that."

"Your wife you forgot to mention last night or a girlfriend?" Gill asked coldly. Quickly getting up from the tangled sheets she intermittently started to gather her underwear and other pieces of clothing that in passion had been haphazardly tossed across the room at the same time desperately fighting the tears that threatened to fall.

_I will not cry! I will not cry!_

"Wait, what?" David looked at distressed woman surprised.

"Don't bother to lie. I saw your face while you were on the phone. Was it your girlfriend or wife?" Gill turned around staring at him with pure hatred.

David was pushed into a stupor, aimlessly opening and closing his mouth. It seemed that under her deadly gaze he had completely lost the power of speech. Finally he snapped out and calmly said, "None of the above, but there really is a special girl in my life. I would like you to meet her."

Gill looked at him completely taken aback, mouth agape. Even Cal with all his quirkiness never forced her to meet his lovers. Was David really so cruel or he simply didn't give a shit about last night? Most probably it was the second.

"No, thanks. I will somehow survive without meeting all the bimbos you shag," wrapped in the sheet Gill retaliated to the bathroom, clothes in hand. David's arms gently but firmly stopped her and he pulled the resisting woman in a tight embrace.

"Just come with me, please. I promise, you won't regret it," he pleadingly whispered against her hair.

x x x

Gill still had no idea how David convinced her to get in his car and drive along. She was angry at him and most of all at herself for not sending the man to the hell and leaving while she still had some dignity left. Why she always had to be such a good girl and do everything as told? One day it would be her downfall.

They drew outside the city. It was nice residential area with beautiful houses that had white picket fences, green lawns and family vans parked alongside the road. Children were playing in the yards and driving bicycles on the streets. The life fizzled and bubbled around them.

Gill felt like in a dream. It was life she had always secretly longed for, but that had never been destined to her. How much she wanted to be a part of this carefree and clean environment opposed to the life of crime she led.

They stopped in front of a house that was hiding behind huge oak trees. It was not large, but well kept and looked very nice.

A teenage girl with curly brown hairs, huge brown eyes and openly kind smile rushed to meet them.

"Daddy!" she exclaimed excitedly and jumped to hug the man. Gill stood by the car completely taken aback. It was his home. Never in her life would Gill have thought that David was going to bring her to his home.

"Hi, my angel!" the man kissed his daughter on the forehead and released her "There is someone I would like you to meet. This is Gillian Foster, a very good friend of mine."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Emily" the girl politely shook Gill's hand.

"It is lovely to meet you too Emily," Gill smiled in reply. The whole situation felt surreal.

The girl curiously looked at her, then at her dad and asked "Are you dating my father?"

David laughed. His daughter was used to speak her mind. It was a good thing, but sometimes, like now led to very awkward situations.

"I... we..." Gill was completely lost. What was she supposed to reply to such a direct question? Gill didn't want to lie, but had absolutely no clue what the truth was either. _I slept with your father, but belong to another man_ was hardly the ice breaker.

"What would you say if we did?" David asked with mischievous grin in his eyes.

Before the girl had a chance to reply, the front doors opened revealing elderly lady with snow white hairs and huge apron tied around her small form.

"David! Darling, how nice that you finally stopped by!" she said as they approached the steps.

"Mother, I missed you both too," David said "Let me introduce a dear friend of mine. This is Gillian Foster."

The elderly woman looked kindly at Gill and gave her a warm hug, hushing them all inside for a dinner. Gill felt so out of the loop that her feet turned ice cold. She wanted to run away from here as fast as her feet would allow. She most probably would have, if it wasn't for Emily, who was holding her hand as she dragged confused woman inside.

Despite all the fears and insecurities, the dinner was great. Gill could not recall a time when she had such a warm and friendly environment around. For some strange reason she had won Emily's and David's mother's affections from the start.

Most awkward moment had been when Emily unable to suppress her natural curiosity had asked why Gill's face was battered. Luckily all the rest of the injuries were neatly covered by clothing and bandages. Luckily David's mother had chided the girl and steered the whole conversation in completely different direction.

Still the uneasiness didn't leave the woman. Gill felt like her presence was pulling a dark shadow over the peaceful and warm home.

If Cal ever found out...

Gill trembled from the thought alone. David's warm palm on hers brought her out of murky thoughts and the loving look in his eyes made her relax. For the first time in life Gill finally forgot all about the life outside these four walls.

After dinner Emily went out to meet a friend. Before departing, she had made Gillian promise to visit them again soon.

David's mother was in the kitchen doing dishes. The elderly lady had politely, but firmly refused any help offered, saying that for her it was not a chore. Kitchen was her favourite place in the house after all. David and Emily were often spoiled with extravagant dishes and desserts.

Taking hot cups of tea David and Gill retreated to the back yard.

"Why didn't you tell me you had a daughter?" Gill asked following David's steps. She could have survived without the heart ache that accompanied the trip to David's house.

They were settled comfortably in a huge rocking chair that all those years ago so lovingly was made by David's father.

"Would you have believed me?" David answered with a question.

Gill thought for a minute. No, she wouldn't have. Damned! He knew her almost frighteningly well.

"Why did you bring me here?"

"I wanted you to meet my family."

"Why?"

"I wanted you to know me better and they are integral part of my life, best part of my life. My wife, Emily's mother died in a child birth, undiagnosed eclampsia. Emily was born premature. From day one she was a real fighter," David's stare was fixed somewhere where Gill could not follow. He was caught in the memories.

Gill sat by his side not saying a word. Somehow this simple closeness comforted both tortured souls.

"If you have so much to lose, why are you doing this? I mean your work," Gill carefully asked after a while "Why not leave everything and move somewhere else, take different job?"

If she ever had a choice, Gill would have never chosen this life. What on earth could make someone enter the darkness on voluntary basis?

"I'm a cop," David replied looking her in the eye "There is nothing else I would rather do. It's simply who I am."

"Then be one, take nine to five job in any precinct. Why put your life in danger? Why go undercover?"

"I believe in justice. I believe that guys like Lightman should get what they deserve."

"Then take an office job and coordinate it all without putting your neck on the line. You have so much to lose."

"Actually that was my plan all along," David looked at her smiling "Initially, I didn't want to take this assignment. I agreed with my boss that this would be the last one, before I get transferred to California. There I will have nice sunny corner office and job that would not require field work. Emily is thrilled about this prospect."

"Should have taken the opportunity while you still could," Gillian said thoughtfully looking in the distance. She knew how Lightmans dealt with enemies and traitors, seen it on more occasions that she dared to remember. It still gave her nightmares.

David smiled, "It was my best decision ever!"

"How comes?" she looked at him surprised. What good he could possibly see in this mess?

"Otherwise I would have never met you," David replied lovingly.

"I'm not sure it is the best that could have happened to you," Gill's voice was distant. If he knew at least half of the darkness that was in her, he would run away, run away and never look back. He was too right and good to ever understand her world.

David's face turned deadly serious and raw emotions played in his eyes as he spoke "Ever since my wife died I was running away from everything, buried myself deeper and deeper in the work. I have been on the run ever since. Yesterday I realised that I was not running away from anything, I was running to you. There are no words to describe how I feel about you Gillian Foster. You are the most amazing woman in the world. I can't believe I could live all these years without you by my side."

Gill was speechless. Not only by the words, by the truthfulness on David's face and in his tone. No one ever had made her feel so special, so wanted and loved.

"I..." Before David had a chance to finish the sentence and say the L word, Gill leaned forward and passionately kissed his lips.

"Shhh... no more words," she whispered against his lips.

When their lips parted, Gill looked at him with guilt in her eyes "How can you be sure I will not rattle you out to Cal the first chance I got?"

"I know you," David replied calmly and gently pulled a strand of hairs behind her ear "You would never do that."

"How can you be so sure? Sometimes I don't know what I would or wouldn't do myself."

"You are a good person, Gillian, worth far more than you allow yourself to believe, never doubt that," David kissed her forehead.

_The hell I am!_ Gill thought miserably.

"Besides I trust you."

He really did, he trusted her with most precious thing in the world.

He trusted her with his daughter's life.

**tbc**


	4. Chapter - INNOCENCE LOST

**TRUE COLOURS* **

**/ OTHER SHADE OF GREY /**

**Chapter 4**

**INNOCENCE LOST **

It was late. David's mother insisted that they stay overnight. The adamant lady kept saying that the pair had no business to travel in the dark. Gill sensed deep fear and sadness in her voice. Only later when David explained that his father had died in a car crash while he drove home at night, Gill understood true reasons of woman's distress.

Gill felt awkward spending the night at David's home, but it was somewhat good kind of awkwardness. When Emily returned she stole Gill all to herself. Finally there was a woman in the house who knew something about fashion, music and boys. Well, for the last part Gill didn't feel any expert at all, but it didn't forbid her to listen to Emily's stories about the guy she liked, captain of the football team and cutest boy ever.

At one point Gill went downstairs for the bathroom and overheard David's conversation with his mother. She didn't plan to eavesdrop, it happened accidently.

"_You love her, don't you," it was rather a statement, than question._

"_With all my heart, from the first time I saw her," David's voice was full of sincerity._

"_You are lucky," there was complete confidence in David's mother's tone "That girl loves you very much too."_

"_How do you know?" David was truly surprised._

"_I just know," the tone was warm "I'm not sure whether it will ever work out between the two of you, but she loves you all the same."_

"_Why you think it won't work?" worry and doubt lingered in David's voice._

"_She might never give it a try. There is something that she is afraid of, that scares her to death, some darkness she desperately tries to fight," woman's tone was thoughtful._

"_I hope that will change soon, I will do everything in my power to change it," David's voice was full of determination and promises._

"_There is a lot pain and sorrow in her eyes. Life had not treated Gillian well, but she is strong and resourceful young woman with a good heart and a lot of warmth and love to give. I will pray for both of you."_

Gill's eyes filled with unshed tears. They both were good and decent people, too good for her.

David's mother was very insightful woman. David apparently had inherited some of her talents. On more than one occasion Gill had felt that the man was reading her mind. It was nothing similar to Gill's or Call's talents. David had his own unique brand. It was more a sense, a feel of other's emotions than a skill.

Wiping eyes dry with turtleneck's sleeve, Gill tiptoed back upstairs to Emily's room.

x x x

Later that night they lay together in David's bed. Gill was wearing one of Emily's pyjamas. It was fluffy and pink, with images of flying pigs on top. It was comfortable and warm.

Gill's back was pressed against David as they spooned. The pair didn't make love, but somehow the intimacy they shared went beyond physical contact.

"How did you end up with Lightman?" David asked after a while gently caressing Gill's hair and outlines of her profile.

"You're cop. Haven't you read my file?" Gill enquired matter-of-factly. There was no admonition or offence in her voice.

"I have," David leaned closer and brushed his lips over her bare neck "There is surprisingly little information about your life before you joined the Lightman Group."

"My life before Lightman Group has no connection with the case," Gill hissed suddenly angered. Why did he have to spoil the moment? Why did he always have to get into her soul? It was dark and tainted place she had no intention to share with anyone, least of all him.

"Please, don't shut me out. I want to know everything about you."

There was so much sincerity and care in his voice that it made Gill's throat clench. No one ever had been interested in her the way David was.

Gill closed her eyes, not sure what to reply. It all happened so long ago that the question 'why' never really entered her mind anymore. She never thought about past, because there was nothing good for her or anyone else there. To make David understand, she would have to tell the whole story, story of her life.

_Gillian was born in an ordinary middle class family. Her father was a man of strong and unmovable principles. He worked ungodly hours to support the family and therefore was never around. Her mother was a very beautiful and passionate woman who was not overly happy with constant absence of her husband. When Alec was ten and she just turned seven, their mother fell madly in love with tall, dark and handsome drug dealer. His real name was mystery, but by documents and on streets he was known as Loker. The name was adapted from word Loki that means trickster; God of discord and mischief. _

_Once pregnant with Eli, their mother took the kids and moved to live with her lover, leaving her husband behind with broken heart. _

_Alec adapted easily to the new environment. Constant parties, drug abuse and oblivious lifestyle were the right environment for unrestrained lad. He was not the easiest kid before, but once he felt the taste of total freedom, the boy got completely out of hand. Even their mother gave up and simply let him be. _

_When Eli was born, Gill got very attached to the baby. Although he was only half brother, she loved the kid with all her heart. Despite the fact that their mother was using drugs while pregnant, Eli was born just fine. Surprisingly he didn't have any complications or far stretching health issues. _

_When Loker was killed in some street fight, their mother fell deeper and deeper into depression. The woman immersed her sorrow with alcohol, lovers and more drugs. _

_Alec was never around, he was either with his friends or partying. Care for Eli was completely on Gill's shoulders and she did the best she could. The boy was always washed, dressed, fed and cuddled. There was nothing in this world that she wouldn't do for him. _

_The money left by Loker didn't last for long and at one point they almost ended up on the street. When the shit hit the fan, Alec moved to live with father, although it didn't stop him from hanging around with all the wrong people. Father had never been able to forgive his wife the adultery. He agreed to take back only his kids, huge emphasis on word 'his'. It meant that Gill would have to leave her little brother behind. _

_There was no way she would do it. No matter what. At the end Gill was left alone with a kid on her arms and seriously sick mother. As crazy as it was, it worked for a long time. She somehow pulled them through, some money was left by mother's lovers, something Gill earned by doing small errands and helping neighbours, something was tossed aside by Alec, whenever he remembered that he had blood relatives somewhere out there, although after their father died he lost any interest at all. Gill had always suspected that it had been father who actually sent them money through Alec, too proud to admit he cared after all. The man died from stroke when Gill was thirteen. Gill never had a chance to say goodbye to the headstrong and stubborn man. It hurt the young girl deeply._

_The bad went to worse when three years later their mother died from drug overdose. For some time Gill managed to run under radar, but soon social services were on their track. She was seventeen and was not legally able to take care of another minor. Alec at the time just tuned twenty, but his lifestyle was completely out of hands. He was running some low level drug deals and trying to make his way in the business. _

_Running out of options, as their apartment was constantly checked by the social services and police, Gill used the last resort and visited her elder brother. They had not been in touch for quite some time, since father's funeral to be precise. _

_When Alex opened the doors, it was clear that he was high. His openly lustful stare sent cold shivers down girl's spine. Was he really such a pervert or those were drugs? The answer came rather soon. Alec agreed to help with money, if she slept with him. Gill felt like she was slapped in the face, staring at him with big eyes, mouth agape. There was nothing in the world that could have prepared her for such turn of events. Before she came out of the cold stupor his obscene offer had sent her into, the doors barged open and several men entered. Alec had set up a deal, but in his intoxicated state had completely forgotten about it._

"_Cal, how nice to see you," Alec put a plastic smile on his face._

"_Alec!" Cal greeted the other man. With a dazzling white smile he looked over Gill "Who is this lovely creature you have here?"_

_Before they had a chance to be formally introduced, the doors opened once again and at least ten Japanese entered. Cal took girl's hand and sat her by his side on the large couch. Still in shock, Gill followed the man like a lamb._

_When everyone had taken their places, it was Cal who started the conversation. He said something about necessity to wait for their Japanese translator, but the representative of the other side was fluent in English and the problem disappeared. _

_Gill didn't pay much attention to what was spoken. She was too terrified to even move and sat there still as a statue praying to get out of the mess intact. _

_The negotiator of Japanese side took out his mobile phone and dialled. The room was completely silent therefore the voice on the other side of the phone was clearly audible. _

_Gill tensed. She didn't know the language, but the message was clear from voice alone._

"_They are going to kill us," the girl screamed right before the guns were drawn. Her warning gave enough time for Cal's men to prepare. _

_Cal roughly pushed the girl over the backside of the couch and she landed awkwardly on the ground covering her head with her arms as the guns went off. _

_What will happen to Eli? was her only thought as bullets flew above her head. _

_Suddenly room went silent again. Someone stood in front of her and Gill fearfully lifted her eyes._

"_What's your name, sweetheart?" the man asked._

"_Gillian," she answered with a big trepidation in her heart._

"_Well, Gillian, I have an offer for you..." the man said smiling the same dazzling smile and stretching out his hand to help her stand up. He offered her a job, a real job with money. _

_Her task was to help with negotiations, assess the situation and warn in case of deceit or danger. Maybe Gillian was naive, but not to a point that she did not understand what she was signing up for. It was criminal, a world she never wanted to be a part of, but it was better than her only alternative that had fled the room when the situation got out of control. A thought to protect his sister never even crossed Alec's mind. _

_She had accepted the offer and since had become integral part of the Lightman Group and Cal's life._ _Gill had good analytical skills, knack for business and levelheadedness that helped to get through really tough situations. It was no wonder that she gain more and more trust and respect from the Lightmans._

What should she tell David? Everything? Nothing? Was she ready to share this side of her life? Cal had never asked about her past and she had never volunteered the information. Not to him, not to anyone else. Even Eli didn't know everything, because all her life Gill had done her best to protect him from unpleasant and dark parts of the life they had. He always had food on the table and clothes to wear, toys, school books and all the other basics, but he never even realised to what lengths his sister sometimes was forced to go, to ensure all that.

"It was a set of obstacles..." Gill chose the words carefully "I will tell you one day, but not now... Not now."

"Promise?"

"Promise," Gill smiled turning her head backwards in an attempt to steal a kiss.

x x x

"How did you get in Doyle's crew?" Gill asked as they sat at the breakfast table. Emily was in the school and David's mother went to a shop giving 'the kids' some time to spend alone.

"He was arrested last year in Ireland, negotiated a deal with the prosecutor. Doyle agreed to hand over Lightmans in exchange for lighter charges and no prison sentence. There are three of our agents infiltrated in Doyle's crew. I have the highest position."

So Doyle was a traitor. Black sheep of the family. Well, she never liked the man anyway. Besides before calling names she had to admit that she was considering to do just the same. Maybe her reasons where different, but treason was treason no matter what the reasons were. Still the whole deal left acid taste in her mouth.

"You know that he is ten times worse than Cal?" Gill asked.

"I know, but we have to work with the devil we have. Besides he is mainly executioner, not a mastermind. If we eliminate Lightmans, Doyle will be less dangerous."

_Depends on how you look at it_, Gill thought murky, but didn't say a word. Doyle might not be so clever, but to beat someone to death with bare hands, burn or burry person alive, peal the skin off, cut someone's eyes and tongue out while they are conscious didn't require big quantity of grey matter. It was not a rocket science after all, if your mind is full of cruelty. He was a sociopath and to think that police was working with and not against a man like that seriously raised question how blind Temide really was.

"What is the plan?"

"We still need some time, but we are getting close, really close to make the arrests." David said carefully weighing her reactions. When Gill didn't say a word, he added "You have to get out of there, cut all ties with Cal and the place. Otherwise you will drown together with him."

Gill's heart skipped a beat. Someone once said that turning points came only when there was something to turn to. Was this her crossroad, her turning point? Once the choice was made there was no going back. Did she have something or someone to turn to? The answer was simple and didn't leave any doubts in her heart. Without further collaborations she asked "How can I help?"

David's eyes filled with emotions, before he found his voice. He knew how hard it was for her. Good or bad, it was the only life she knew. Leaving everything behind was a big leap of faith. She was putting her faith in him, trusting him completely. Voice cracked with feelings as he whispered "You could help me by never returning to that place."

They both knew that it was not really an option even before Gill voiced it out loud. Cal would get highly suspicious, if the woman simply disappeared from the face of earth. Too many unnecessary questions would rise. Off course for Gill another matter was even more important.

"I can't. I have to get my brother out of there."

"Eli?"

"Yes. He is a good kid; he just got tangled in the wrong company. It was my fault. I failed to protect him."

"You know that since he dropped out of the college..."

"He what? When?" Gill almost dropped the cup out of her hands.

"Last semester."

Gill's shock was grave, her face turned ashen and the woman doubled over in pain as the ulcer overly actively reminded of its presence.

"I'm sorry, I thought you knew," David hurried to get the bottle of Pepto-Bismol. Once Gill had taken the medication the man carefully guided her to the couch "Come, you need to lie down."

For once she didn't object and allowed herself to be pampered. It felt nice. David helped her to settle and covered small form with a wrap. Kneeling beside the bed the man gently caressed her hairs "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, just... surprised" Gill stammered _yes, surprised will do it_.

David smiled "You know that you tend to put really unpleasant things into quite subtle way."

"I do?"

"Yes, but we will work on that. Together. You don't have to suppress all the emotions; sometimes it is good to let them out."

"I will think about it."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

x x x

"Kitten, where have you been? I was so worried about you," Cal exclaimed as he stood from behind his desk and moved over "I mobilised all my resources for your search."

"Apparently not enough," Gill said matter-of-factly.

"What happened?"

"Triad's Jumper Cable Olympics they made me sole player of didn't go without its consequences. I managed to get out when the police arrived, but that is as far as I remember. Everything afterwards is in bits and pieces. Somehow I got to some crappy motel and stayed there until this morning when I finally felt better."

There was so much truth in the story, that it was almost impossible to tell small bits that were lies. Gill hoped that she was convincing enough as she observed man's face. So far so good!

"Where is Eli?"

"In California, should be back tomorrow afternoon."

Crap! It delayed everything, but what could she do? She had returned for her brother and would not leave without him. Besides, she could not leave yet anyway. Gill was in far better position to help David than any of his agents were. If she ever wanted to be free, truly free, she had to fight this battle, not sit on the side trenches. Off course, Gill never voiced this reasoning to David. He already was worried for her wellbeing, without additional fire to the oil.

"I'm sorry about your other brother tough, but Alec should have seen it coming. To set up a man like Wong Liu was not the wisest thing," Cal added shortly eying her carefully.

"You are absolutely right, he saw it coming." Gill said skilfully hiding her true emotions. She searched Cal's face for clues of deception as he spoke. There were none. The bastard was really good. If she hadn't known Cal for years, she would have missed small body signs and uncharacteristic pauses between the words. Alec had been right.

"Let's not talk about sad," Cal changed the subject "On the positive note I have the pleasure to inform you that we have a family dinner tonight."

Gill had to use all her composure not to show true level of her dissatisfaction "I'm tired. Besides I have a work to do."

Cal's expression hardened "You work only when I say so and do what I tell you to do. The dinner is mandatory. Period."

As if nothing happened next moment his expression softened and seductive smile appeared on his face.

"Besides I missed you kitten," he whispered, arousal started to creep on his roughly handsome face and arms on her shoulders started to push the woman down on her knees.

"Not now Cal," the woman objected "What if someone comes in?"

As soon as the words left her mouth, Gill realised her mistake. Not that it bothered Cal even the tiniest bit. On the contrary, the mere thought sent him higher into arousal.

"Pleeeeeease..." the tone was somewhere between desperate and wining.

All pleads landed on deaf ears.

x x x

Gill stood in front of bathroom's mirror. The woman staring back at her looked surprisingly good compared to the reflection just a half an hour ago when Wong Liu's hospitality was still clearly visible on her skin. Long sleeved evening dress with high neck masked the injuries; professionally applied mascara perfectly covered red welts and bruises on her face. She looked almost dazzling. Only desperate sadness that shone in her eyes didn't fit with the picture.

It was eight o'clock in the evening, last time to leave for the 'family' dinner that she had absolutely no desire to attend. Only good part was that Loker would be there, maybe they would have a chance to talk finally.

After the office, woman felt destroyed inside. How did she bear the man all these years? Let him touch her, endured all the insults and humiliations? When Gill finally got home, she did something she hadn't allowed herself to do for years. She cried, really cried.

_Suck it up champ, take one for the team! You can do this! _Gill challenged her reflection with irony. Taking one last look at her appearances, the woman grabbed purse that was matching her evening dress and headed for the doors.

She had barely stepped in the hallway, when her mobile started to ring. Gill was more than sure that it was Cal holding a hand on her pulse, but to her big surprise the display blinked _Unknown number_. Strange.

Gill hit the button to answer, but before she had a chance to say anything sobbing terrified voice could be heard on the other side of the receiver.

"Gillian... Oh my God, please, help..."

Question '_how did you get my number?'_ died on woman's lips as desperation and fear in girls voice registered.

"Where are you?"

Girl murmured something incomprehensive between the hiccups.

"Emily, darling, stay with me, tell me what happened," Gill tried to reassure the kid "Take a deep breath... That's it... One more... Good girl...Now tell what happened?"

"Please ... Pick me up... Dad's phone is off... I locked myself in... He... He..." the girl was hysterical.

Gill was already halfway down the stairs when Emily finally calmed down enough to tell her location. Gill new the neighbourhood all too well. Besides being on completely opposite side of the town from girl's home, it was a place to be avoided even during day. What was she thinking?

From incoherent explanation Gill finally understood that Emily and her friend had sneaked out on a double date with the same boy she so excitedly had told her about and his friend. Girls had willingly agreed to drop by a party, but only for an hour. Young love, it makes you do crazy things. From there things went south. The boys got drunk. Emily's date had led her upstairs and tried to force himself on the girl. Her friend had come to aid. Together both girls had forced the guy out of the room and locked the doors.

Gill's car flew across the streets with a speed that would leave in a shame some of the racers. Worry for the girl mixed with anxiety to return to the neighbourhood where she grew up. It was not exactly Graceland. Besides the streets nowadays were ruled by Dante and he had some unresolved issues with Alec. Quicker she got there, sooner got the girls and left, better for everyone.

Gill's car pulled in front of shabby abandoned building. In its best days it has been a hotel, then a shop, for a short period makeshift factory, when finally in 1950's it was completely abandoned, as was the whole neighbourhood. Only those, who could not afford anything better, were left behind.

Once majestic building was filled with loud music, dimmed lights and smoke. Already in Gill's childhood it was a den for junkies, drug dealers and small time criminals, now it 'belonged' to Dante's men.

Swapping cold gaze around Gill wondered whether this evening could get any better. Grabbing her purse the woman exited the car. Not bothering to lock the vehicle, Gill headed to the entrance. There was no point to apply any safety measures anyway. If someone wanted to steal it, it would be a matter of seconds with locks or without. Besides, they might need a clean getaway.

Party went on in full measure. The place was crowded with people who were drunk, stoned, drunk and stoned or where just getting there. Strong scent of marijuana and cannabis hit Gill's nostrils and the woman shuddered in disgust. What did Emily said second floor to the right? Gill knew that posh as she was she really stood out in the place. Some guys whistled at the woman, making quite clear body gestures, someone tried to grab Gill by the waist, someone else grabbed her ass as she fought her way through the chaos of moving limbs to get to the stairs, but she ignored it all. Nothing could get the determined woman off her path.

Reaching second floor, Gill looked around. Narrow corridors with doors on each side stretched in both directions. It would take too long to go door by door and time was something they were short of. Gill retrieved the phone from her purse only now noticing that it was ringing.

It was Cal. Gill pushed disconnection button. Display evilly reported 20 missed calls. She realised that the price for ignoring the man would be high, but at that moment it was least of her worries.

Hitting the redial, Gill called Emily praying that the girl would pick up.

"Gill?" came scared, albeit a bit calmer voice.

"I'm on the second floor, come out darling," Gill said looking in both directions. She was not convinced that in her stressed state Emily had correctly indicated the direction.

Several seconds later last doors to the right side opened and two scared to death girls emerged. Seeing familiar form of Gill in the middle of the corridor, Emily's face lit up with relief and both girls ran in her direction.

"Are you alright? Did he hurt you?" Gill asked worriedly looking over Emily and her friend, noticing their dishevelled state. To say that the teenagers were terrified would be understatement of the year.

"No, Bryan didn't have a chance... we fought..."

"Let's get out of here," Gill said. There would be time to talk later. Noticing terror in Emily's eyes as the girl turned white, Gill turned around coming face to face with good looking, muscular guy dressed in jeans and white t-shirt. He was at least a head taller than Gillian and from his built it was clear that a lot of time was spent in gym.

"Emily!" with a huge drunken smile the guy slurred "Why don't you introduce me to your sexy friend..."

"So you are Bryan, fearless hero who has to use force to get a girl," Gill said in a voice full of contempt as she stepped forward pulling both girls behind her back "We are leaving, enjoy the rest of the party."

When Gill moved forward, Bryan roughly caught her shoulders. It was a big mistake. Already second that evening. His mistake number one was messing with Emily.

Before the guy realised what happened, he was lying on the floor as sharp pain shot through his body. Seeing the unfolding scene, his friends rushed to his aid and attacked Gill. They might be bigger and had more muscle power, but alcohol slowed their motions and made them easy target for quick and skilful woman.

Emily's scream pierced the air and Gill looked around. One of the guys had risen from the floor and approached her with a knife.

Gill smirked, they bloody moron didn't stand a chance. With a quick kick to his middle section she disarmed him. Following kick to his groin got him back on the floor.

Gill picked up the knife and with a sharp movement pierced it hard into the floor right next to Bryan's head. Tall and muscular guy trembled like an aspen leaf as he tried to cover his face, but instead of hitting his there Gill grabbed his manhood and squeezed her hand.

Leaning closer to Bryan's ear the woman whispered in a voice full of venom "If you as much as look in Emily's direction again, I will make sure that you sing soprano in the choir for the rest of your useless life, is that clear?" Gill's grip tightened "I don't hear! Is it clear?"

Bryan nodded unable to even squeak from the agony.

"Remember you mother fucker, if I hear you bothered her again, I'll find you even in the hell, drag you out, cut off your balls and make you swallow them..." her tone deadly.

With one last squeeze she removed her hand and Bryan slacked with trembling hands trying to save his treasures. Gill stood up and swept the hallway with deadly gaze, but no one dared to approach her. Grabbing both shocked into stupor girls the woman headed down the stairs.

All hope for clean break away was blown apart, when familiar voice broke the air and figure materialised in front of them just before the exit doors.

"Foster, long time no see," the tone was mocking, but at the same time intrigued.

The woman stopped, cold mask of hatred slipped on her face "Jonas."

Jonas was Dante's right hand and main negotiator. If looking formally he was doing the same job as she did for Lightman, only Gill never really fancied the comparison. A head taller than Gill and bulky the man looked scary. His forearms were muscular and heavily tattooed. Ugly scar ran right across his face.

"Since when a good girl like you party, especially alone?" sarcasm dripped from voice. Jonas circled three girls as his men gathered around. He always had a thing for Gill, but she never even looked in his direction. Proud bitch!

"I was just leaving," woman's voice sounded like a steal.

"Don't rush..."

"I have no business with you, Jonas."

"Where are your manners?" Jonas continued to circle them "You are uninvited guest in my home. At least have the decency to have a Smalltalk."

"Talk," Gill pushed through clenched teeth.

"How is Alec?"

"On bunks. How nice to know you care," Gill's irony filled voice was nauseously sweet "I will tell him you said hi. Now can we go?"

One of Jonas goons approached the woman from behind and tried to squeeze her butt. Next instant he was lying on the floor gasping in pain.

"Call off your dogs," Gill's voice was sharp as knife "Before they are forced to retreat with tales between their legs."

"You haven't changed a bit, same spitfire as before," Jonas laughed.

"You don't know the half of it," Gill replied evenly. Not even tiniest bit of fear entered her voice.

"I could call them off, but what fun that would be?"

"Bark all you want, you don't have enough balls to bite me," Gill hissed. The fire blazing in her eyes and strength radiating from her made her look taller and more imposing than she really was, strong and powerful like an avenging angel, "Maybe I should call Dante and tell him all about your side deals with Mexicans..."

That got Jonas attention. His face turned red with anger, but he stopped himself just in time. After all it was Lightman's woman and that was boundary he was not willing to test.

"And Alec said you weren't a bitch," Jonas hissed, with a wave of his hand calling his men off.

"He was being polite," Gill dazzlingly smiled at the man, grabbed the girls and exited the place with her head held high.

Only in car Gill's stony expression finally relaxed and for a brief second the true fear she felt materialised on her beautiful face.

Starting the engine Gill asked "Why didn't you call the police?"

"I... we... I was afraid that we will get in even bigger mess... Dad's job... He could get into trouble..."

Gill looked at both girls seriously as she hit the gas "You would have hardly gotten in bigger trouble than you already were in. Those are dangerous men. You had no business to be here. And your dad would suffer even more if something happened to you."

"Granma didn't let me go. I sneaked out. I never should have done it. I should have listened..." the girl was getting hysterical again. The severity of the situation she just luckily got out of finally kicked in.

"Emily, darling, take a deep breath... Everything is over... You both are fine... We are going home..." Gill tried to steer the car and sooth the girl at the same time.

"What is your home phone number? I bet your Granma is dying from worry."

Emily obediently called the numbers as Gill dialled "This is Gillian... Emily is with me, please don't worry... Everything is fine... Yes ... I will get her home... Bye..."

Once Emily calmed down a bit, she looked at Gill with questioning eyes "How do you know those terrible men?"

"That story is better left untold," woman's voice was so full of sadness and hurt that Emily didn't dare to probe further. Instead she asked "Where did you learn to fight like that?"

"Necessity of life," Gill didn't want to lie, but couldn't tell the truth either. It was closest to truth answer she could come up with.

They dropped off Emily's fried by her house. With a trembling voice Emily asked "Will you tell everything to Granma and dad?"

"I won't, but you will," Gill's eyes were focused on the road as she spoke, "You have a loving and forgiving family that can help to get over this trauma. Use it. Don't hold in or try to suppress all the emotions and fears, they will eat you alive. Trust me, I know," there was so much truthfulness and raw pain in the woman's voice that for a moment the girl forgot whole mess. Whatever Gill was referring to, it clearly was hundred times worse than this night.

Finally they were in front of the house. Gill stopped the engine and looked at the girl, gently pulling her in a comforting embrace "Everything is going to be fine."

"You know, adults always say that, but I mean. It's not fine," the girl sighed in Gill's hair.

Gill pulled away and looked the girl straight in the eye "You're right. It's not. But not every day will be like this."

When David's mother opened the doors, all the lectures and wise words died on her lips.

"What happened?" was the only question left.

Emily didn't say a word, shamefully looking down at her feet. Huge eyes shifted to Gill silently pleading for a support.

"Some trouble at party. I'm sure Emily will tell you everything later," Gill phrased all the events of the evening in one simple and short sentence. Emily's face filled with gratitude. She will tell, everything, just not now, not yet.

David's mother hushed them inside. Emily moved forward never releasing her strong hold on woman's hand, but Gill stood still.

"I'm sorry, I can't stay. I have to get back," Gill tried to gently wriggle her hand out of the vice like grip "You will be alright."

"Please stay," girl's lip trembled, "Please. I feel safe when you are around. Pleeease..."

Girls huge teary eyes and pleading voice were Gill's undoing. She allowed herself to be pulled inside the cozy and warm house knowing all too well that there would be a hell to pay for this decision. Gill had not only missed the dinner, but ignored Cal's insistent calls, finally switching the phone completely off.

Only after three o'clock in the morning the girl had finally fallen asleep, her head in Gill's lap. The woman gently caressed curly hairs.

Gill's heart fell for the teenager, the innocent perception of life lost because of one stupid action, one scumbag. It was true, it could have ended a lot worse, but from Gill's point of view it shouldn't have happened at all.

Besides, return to the neighbourhood had shaken Gill far more than she was willing to admit. It brought back dark and ugly demons from Gill's past, a place and time she had no desire to revisit.

Silent tears that were falling down woman's pale face shone in the moonlight as she sat in the dark.

x x x

Gill left David's house with the first light. Emily was still sleeping. Gill said goodbye to David's mother who sincerely thanked Gill for all the help and bringing back her granddaughter safe and sound.

It took Gill a while to get back to the city. She still hadn't figured out any plausible excuse for her absence hoping and praying that Cal was not waiting in her apartment, although in her heart Gill knew better.

As soon as Gill entered the doors light switched on revealing lone figure sitting in the armchair. Single glance at his face was enough to know what was about to come.

"Where were you tonight?" Cal dangerously hissed as he rose, his body was literally shaking in jealous rage.

Gill stood in the lobby like a statue, not a muscle twitched on her pretty face.

"With whom did you spend the night, whore?" the pitch of his voice was rising together with the fury.

No matter what she said or didn't say, the price would be the same.

Out of nowhere with unstoppable force the spite rose within her. She was sick of this, sick of him, of threats, bullying, humiliations, false accusations and abuse. For once she wanted to defend herself, instead of tolerating his attacks and insults. Gill knew that it was absolutely wrong thing to do, but the righteous anger bubbling in her was getting out of control "What is the problem Cal? Only you can sleep around, shag everything that moves?"

Her tone was provocatively sweet and calm.

For a split second there was utter shock and disbelief on Cal's face, as if he was slapped. Next instant the look distorted in angry scowl.

With two huge strides the man crossed the room. Gill was not surprised, when a strong blow sent her back into the wall as her nose and split lip started to bleed. Cal raised his arm for strike two, when the front doors to the apartment opened revealing surprised face of Eli.

Loker was worried when his sister didn't show up at the dinner and decided to check on her first thing in the morning. Her apartment doors were open and the sight in front of him left little doubt on what was going on.

"Get your hands off my sister," Eli screamed as he launched himself at Cal. Gill was roughly showed into the wall for the second time as the two men engaged in a fight.

"Eli, no... Cal..." Gill desperately tried to push them apart, but the woman was no match for their physical strength. From side it seemed that they would crash her bones between their bodies with the force of impact.

Cal raised his hand and with a precision of a boxer hit his fist against Eli's jaw sending the taller man down to the ground with a thud. Gill rushed to her brother's side and with trembling hands checked his bleeding face. The jaw was not broken.

"Eli, it is alright. Everything is alright. It was my own fault. Please, leave now... I will call you... Please..." Gill begged as she pushed and pulled the man to his feet and towards the exit.

Loker looked worriedly at her, then angrily at Cal, but didn't bulge.

Seeing his intentions Gill changed the tactics and in almost stone cold voice chided "Don't get into our business, you are just a kid and don't understand..."

That did the trick. Eli looked at her shocked, then his expression changed to one of contempt and finally breaking free from her arms on his shoulders he exited the room shutting doors behind with a loud bang.

As soon as the doors closed, Gill let out a sigh and turned around to face her nemesis.

Without a word Cal pushed the woman down to the floor and forcefully opened her legs. Gill didn't resist. Better he lashed out on her like this than went to settle scores with her brother.

What demon pulled her tongue earlier? Whole mess was her own fault. Hers alone.

Climbing on top of her body the man kissed her hard. Crimson liquid poured out from her split lip even more as he pulled and gnawed it with his teeth. Satisfied with his artwork, he moved down and started attack on the gentle skin of her neck. Gill moved her head to the opposite side not to see anything. She would have turned off her other senses too, if it was an option. Unfortunately it was not.

His teeth bit into her soft skin as his mouth mercifully feasted on her flesh, no doubts leaving bite marks and hickies behind. Gill had to bit her already shattered lip with force not to yelp in pain as Cal ravaged her petite body.

David's voice entered her mind _you are worth so much more than you allow yourself to believe_.

_You were saying?_ Gill murky smirked clenching her teeth in angry despair as she felt hands roughly molesting her breasts, _All I'm ever been worth for is this!_

She was a cheap whore who opened her legs on demand, too afraid to stand her ground, too afraid to leave her master. That is all she had ever been.

When it was over, Gill stood in the bathroom looking over her image. Angry welts, fresh lacerations, fingerprints and bite marks covered her body. Not to mention new bruises over old unhealed ones on her face. She was starting to look like piñata and felt like one too.

It was nothing new, he had forced himself on her before. Cal liked it crude, especially when high, but why did it feel so different this time? Why her lip trembled and silent tears left wet trails on her cheeks? Was it all because of David and the glimpse of another life and different kind of love he had showed her? Was it because for the first time in life she had allowed herself to believe?

**tbc**


	5. Chapter - TRUE COLOURS

**TRUE COLOURS* **

**/ OTHER SHADE OF GREY /**

**Chapter 5**

**TRUE COLOURS**

Gill was still in the bathroom. Cal's voice rang from behind closed doors "Hurry up; we have to be at the office by nine."

"Why?" Gill's composed voice was complete contradiction to the void emptiness that had overtaken her. She felt that she had betrayed David, betrayed herself. It was not a rape, she had not shown any resistance, but it felt all the same. Only long years of training didn't let her fall apart. Cal's training.

"I have a meeting and dad wants to see you," Cal's voice could be heard from the living room.

"Why?" Gill asked absentmindedly. She was so busy with self loathing that barely registered his words. Therefore Cal's next sentence went past unnoticed.

"He wanted to congratulate you himself.," Cal's voice was deep and sultry "Actually you were the only one who missed the big news..."

The ring of the phone stopped Cal in the middle of the sentence. He picked up, retaliated to the bedroom and closed the doors behind.

Gill was still looking at her reflection with unseeing eyes. Somehow everything seemed so small, so unimportant. The feeling that she was doing all the wrong things, fighting all the wrong battles didn't leave her. It was like she was missing something, something important she was not able to remember. Maybe it all was just pre-death agony. The dream or premonition she had while she passed out from jumper cables didn't leave her mind and brought unexplainable sense of uneasiness. Like it was the long lost answer to the equation she had been trying to decipher all her life. Equation of life and death.

Shrugging off all the dark thoughts Gill straightened her posture, put on the long sleeved silver coloured high neck blouse, only piece of clothing that covered majority of the marks on her delicate skin, and stepped in the leather mini skirt. The skirt was too short for her liking, but it was easier to dress the way Cal wanted.

The show must go on! the woman thought with certain level of misery as she exited her sanctuary.

x x x

When they entered the office, a group of dressed in black Japanese men were waiting in the lobby. Engaged in a conversation Joe stood with them.

Right, Gill recalled, the new international science project was about to be launched, the one they had received state funding for. At least this was part of the legitimate business.

Seeing the beautiful couple that entered the front doors, Joe's serious expression melt into a huge smile, the man excused himself and moved forward to greet his son and his lovely lady.

"I'm so happy that the two of you lovebirds finally decided to make it official, congratulations!" Joe's strong voice shattered the air.

Gill froze as if ice cold water had been poured on her head. What was made official?

"When Cal yesterday told us the happy news that you are getting married, I was thrilled!"

Wait! What? Who is getting married?

In the meanwhile Joe's baritone went on as he hugged the stunned woman "Never thought that I will see the day when my reckless son would finally settle and become honest man. You are a good influence kiddo, I know you two will be very happy, just like me and Rose, God bless her soul."

Cal wrinkled his nose at the comparison, but didn't say a word. It was not the place or time to get into family disputes, especially with all the employees and business partners around. Besides Gill's expression was priceless. He would have taken a picture to save this memory forever.

Murmur of approval, congratulations and best wishes came from all around, but Gill was completely oblivious to all the fuss. Still in shock her mind worked overtime.

Marriage? Why now? Why the hell now? Did he know about her and David? No, it was not possible. They would be getting ready for her funeral and not wedding ceremony if the man had found out. What had brought it on then? Previously there never had been even a hint in this direction. Gill knew all about Cal's parents, the reasons why Rose had killed herself and Cal's complicated relationships with his father. The man had never even hiccupped about the thought to marry her or marry at all. That was just fine with Gill. Marriage was something she took very seriously, it was a commitment to love and honour other person for life. If she ever thought of actually getting married one day, this was not how she pictured it.

"Cal, darling, could I have a second with you in private?" Gill's facade was one of sweetness, despite the volcano of emotions that were bubbling inside.

Lights of mischief started to play in Cal's eyes. He loved it when she got all fired up. Sometimes, like today, he rattled her on purpose, just to get that look in her eyes "Sure, darling, just after the meeting."

"Now..." Gill's eyes blazed.

"Sorry, gentlemen, Carlos please escort everyone to the meeting room. I will join you shortly."

As soon as the pair entered Cal's office and the doors closed behind, Gill's anger erupted.

"When were you planning to tell me?" one could almost see steam coming from her ears.

"I just did."

"No, you didn't. I might be a bit old fashioned girl, but I always believed that marriage is a decision taken by two. I don't remember hearing the question!"

"I would have asked you, but you decided to skip the dinner," Cal stated matter-of-factly, enjoying the way her eyes shone with the emotions.

"So you just decided for me?" Gill was almost trembling from rage. Actually it was not overly big surprise. It had always been like that. When Cal got something in that thick skull of his, there was no way to get it out until he got what he wanted. That was one of the reasons why he was such a good business man. It is also the reason why he often got into trouble with his business partners.

Cal was good negotiator too. It could be clearly visible from the next sentence as he masterfully turned the tables around "By the way, kitten, you still haven't told me where you where last night."

"I didn't think I have to answer you for every step that I take," and as smoothly as Cal did just seconds ago Gill turned the tables back "Maybe you already set the date without me too?"

Cal smiled, pulling the resisting woman closer "Off course, the ceremony will take place this Sunday."

Gill's mouth fell open. It was Wednesday. That left four days, four days till she would become Ms Lightman, four days till all her hopes and dreams of different life would die, four days till she would sell the rest of her tainted soul to the devil.

"Why the hurry?" Gill's voice involuntarily trembled.

"Why? You don't want to become Ms Lightman as soon as possible?"

Who says I want to become Ms Lightman at all?! again that stupid spite that got her in the trouble earlier this morning rose and before Gill was able to stop herself, her chin went up as she challenged "What if I say no?"

Cal's expression hardened, his eyes searched her face carefully, as he slowly said "You know that it is not really an option. Besides we have been together for seven years, why not make it official?"

Gill tensed. There was something in his tone that made her vary. It was like he was testing her, weighted all her reactions. What was really going on? No, now was not the time to get Cal suspicious.

"I'm sorry. I just got upset that you make this kind of decisions without my consent," Gill leaned in his embrace, thus hiding herself from his seeking eyes.

"Don't worry, kitten, I will make you a proper proposal with champagne, flowers and standing on one knee. That is a promise. After all, you are worth it. Now I have to finish with the business," with that Cal kissed her lips and headed for the doors. Just before he exited the room, Cal turned around "By the way, kitten, don't forget we have a meeting with Columbians tonight."

Gill just waved her head in reply.

Before she had a chance to gather her scattered thoughts the doors opened again and Carlos entered "Congratulations on the big..." seeing her face the man stopped in the middle sentence "Or not..."

"What do you want?" Gill asked annoyed. She was angry at the whole situation, Carlos had nothing to do with it, he just happened to enter at the wrong time "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"I know. There are some strange things going on I thought you needed to know..."

x x x

As Gill hurriedly strode through the hallway to the exit, Cal's secretary rushed after her "Ms Foster, what should I tell Mr Lightman when he asks me where you are? Ms Foster?"

"Tell him whatever the hell you want!" Gill turned and almost shouted at the girl. The girl and everyone else who happened to be in the lobby, looked at Gill with genuine surprise. In all the years no one had seen Foster lose her composure. No matter what she was always nice and polite. No one knew that the sweet woman even knew how to raise a voice or swear.

"I'm sorry. Tell him I went to pick a wedding dress..." Gill sighed with silent apology in her eyes and hurried out of the building. She was really starting to lose it. What Carlos had told her didn't make any sense. Cal had ordered to send ten of Carlo's men, preferably recently recruited to the East Port warehouse tonight, supposedly to the meeting with Columbians. Carlos was not convinced that sending rookies to such a heavy and dangerous deal was the best idea. If things got out of control, they would not provide necessary defence.

Gill knew perfectly well that meeting with the Columbians was supposed to take place on completely opposite side of the city. What was Cal up to now?

Before they had a chance to finish the conversation, Gill's phone rang. It was David. Just what she needed! Could this day get any better?

David asked her to meet insisting that he had crucial information. Gill refused, but the man was adamant and finally Gill capitulated. Now she was on the way to the safe house, address that David told her earlier. Thoughts about evening's meeting never left her mind. It was some sort of decoy, but for what? Was he planning to ditch the Columbians? No, that would be a suicide. What other options there were?

Gill parked in front of plain brick house in the middle of the lower class workers area. All the houses on the street looked the same. Even last several streets that she crossed looked alike. None of them had any distinguishing marks. The whole neighbourhood looked dull and grey. Lack of trees and grass made it only grimmer. Gill exited the car and headed to the doors worriedly looking around. She was starting to get paranoid.

David opened after the first call and seeing the visitor his expression warmed.

"What is that you wanted to tell me?" Gill asked stepping over the door still without as much as hello.

"I missed you," the man whispered against her hair, as his arms roamed over her body "I'm so thankful for saving Emily. She told me everything."

Gill froze, wondering how much everything meant. Did the girl told him about her acquaintance with Dante's man? Well, it couldn't get any worse as it already was.

"If it wasn't for you," David's voice broke "If anything happened to her...happened to you... I would never forgive myself..."

Although Gill had wowed to keep her distance from the man, the heartbroken expression on his face made her reach out and hug him "She is resourceful young girl, managed to protect herself quite well. How is she holding on?"

"Thanks to you, she is doing well!" David said brushing his lips over Gill's forehead in feather light kisses "You can't imagine how grateful I am. I owe you a lifetime! You are the bravest woman I have ever met. I can't thank you enough..."

"It is fine, I'm glad to hear she is doing ok," Gill whispered closing her eyes. His proximity made her weak, "And Bryan?"

"You scared the living hell out of the boy. Officially I cannot approve your methods, but they were crude and effective," David smiled at her, "He actually is transferring to other school."

"Good."

"Yes. Good," David said thoughtfully "I'm still worried about Emily's emotional state, but we are working on that."

For a brief moment they just stood there enjoying each other's company, but like all the good things in this world it was not supposed to last for long. Gill was the first one to break the spell.

"David, I don't have much time. I have to get back before Cal puts out the search team," Gill said pulling away from his warmth. After everything that happened this morning she felt small and worthless, undeserving his kind words, gratitude and love.

"What is it, love? What is bothering you?" David asked worried. His ability to look into her soul was starting to creep her out.

"Everything is fine, just haven't slept. By the way, how Emily got my number?"

"She must have taken it from my cellular. Luckily she did, because I was in the headquarters last night. We have signal blockage inside the building. No incoming or outgoing calls besides the ones via secured lines."

"Why is my number programmed in your phone?" Gill asked worried that someone could make a connection, if the piece of electronics got in wrong hands.

"Don't worry. Doyle officially gave me both numbers, yours and Cal's."

"How thoughtful of him," Gill grimaced "So what was so important?"

"We will bust the deal with Columbians tonight. Please don't go there," David looked at her seriously, eyes pleading.

"I can't just disappear. Besides you know as well as I do that if I don't return to the office, there will be no deal. Cal is careful. If he will think that something if off, he will cancel the whole thing."

"Let's look at the blueprints. We will figure how to get you out of there," David pulled the woman to the kitchen. Huge table standing in the middle of the small room was covered with papers, laptops and other equipment. Gill almost smiled from the sight. Kettles and pans together with top secret intelligence documents. It was pure Martha Steward cop style.

David leaned over one of the blueprints and Gill followed his suit.

Something didn't make sense. Only when she read the small encryption on the side of the paper stating East Port she understood what bothered her. David had the wrong information.

Bits by bits pieces of puzzle started to make picture. Someone had warned Cal about the bust and he had set the decoy. It meant that at least one of the moles was a mole in square or putting it more directly – a traitor. Someone from David's team had started to work for Cal or had been working for him all along.

"How did you get the information on the deal? Who else knows about the operation? How many people are involved?"

"Whoa... Stop there for a minute. You know that it is highly classified. I can't tell you the names of my agents or details of top secret operation. It is against the rules. Officially we are not having this conversation right now."

"Fuck the rules. You have been set up, most probably by one of your own. The team that will be sent to the port will come out empty handed. There will be only some low level soldiers, rookies that have no idea of the business. The deal will take place in completely different location."

David looked at the woman completely dumbfounded. Whatever result he had expected from the whole conversation, that was not it "What? There is no way..."

"Look, you don't have to trust my word," Gill said misinterpreting the change of emotions on his face "But I'm telling you the truth. The deal takes place here," She was pointing location in the map "There is an old warehouse that is often used for these purposes."

David looked down at the map and then back at her with the same surprise in his eyes. Gill could see that he was questioning himself and maybe his trust in her too. After several minutes of deadly silence Gill finally snapped "Are you stating at me like I'm exotic rare animal in the terrarium? If you don't believe me, just say it."

When the man still didn't make a sound, Gill turned around and rushed to the doors. As much as she didn't want to admit it his mistrust hurt deeply. In her heart Gill knew that she deserved it. Her way of life and Curriculum Vitae up to date didn't put her amongst most trustworthy part of the population, but he should have known her better than that.

Before she had a chance to open the doors, strong arms encircled her shoulders and pulled her back. Gill fought, screamed and kicked, as tears run down her face. Why this man always made her fall apart? Was it some kind of strange sick spell he had cast upon her?

"Gillian, darling, stop it..." David said accidentally squeezing her arm in a place that was covered with large hematoma from the morning activities. At the same time the top button of the blouse opened and the material parted revealing her neck. Gill involuntarily flinched from his grasp and clutching both parts of the slightly opened top of the blouse froze, afraid that David had noticed her reaction and seen the marks on her skin. David momentarily released her shoulder and moved his palm over hers pushing it aside. Gill tried to resist, but he was stronger and easily pushed her arm away. She would have backed away, if already wasn't squeezed into the wall. David was blocking her exit with his body.

He was not supposed to see this. He should never see her like this.

The best defence was attack "Now you are bullying me too? How does it make you different from Cal?"

David didn't buy her brusqueness as he opened the buttons and pushed the blouse apart, carefully viewing angry welts, hematomas, fresh lacerations, fingerprints and bite marks that were covering her skin. His expression was one of full terror. It made Gill feel even worse. Like before, he just stood there not saying a word. Disappointment clearly visible on his face.

Gill could not take it anymore. He was tormenting her with his dark and sad eyes. It felt like he saw right through all the defences and layers of self preservation she had drew over the years.

"Yes, it is true, I betrayed you. I was with him, we made love," Gill screamed almost hysterically as she tried to break free.

"You call that making love?" David's voice was full of emotions as he gently, but firmly stilled her motions.

"We fucked! Ok? We fucked if it makes any difference and by the way, I'm getting married this Sunday!" Gill's voice had an edge David had never heard before. It was like she was pushed too far. The last statement sent David back into stupor "What?"

"What you heard! Cal and I are getting married, not that anyone bothered to ask my opinion on the subject. It is decided! So you can stop the crusade of saving my soul. It is too late anyway."

For a minute they just stared at each other. David's sorrowful gaze was literally killing her. If he had screamed, raged, at least hit her, she would understood, but this silent treatment was driving her nuts. Crocodile tears blurred her sight.

The expression changed from worried to terrified one as realisation hit the man "Oh, my God. It was because of the last night when you rescued Emily. He was angry, he forced you..."

Gill's head dropped down "He didn't force me. I didn't want it to happen, but he didn't force me, I never resisted... I never resisted... I never resisted..." words were barely understandable as violent sobs shook her body.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you had to go through all this. I will not let him treat you this way anymore. You hear me, darling. It was not your fault. None of it was your fault. He will pay for this, all of it. If only I could have protected you," David pressed her against his chest and tried to calm distressed woman, but soothing tone and gentle caresses only made her cry harder.

x x x

The huge town car sped across the city. The meeting with Columbians was about to start in twenty minutes. The fact that Cal himself was going to be present spoke volumes about the scope. It was big money and if everything went well, this would not be the only order. Columbians had a lot of scores to settle and interest in ammunition was great.

Luckily for past twenty minutes Cal was busy in conversation with the head of the security, making final arrangements on the disposal of the team. It finally gave Gill some time to gather her thoughts. She and David had agreed on her escape route. Gill understood perfectly well that by helping her disappear the man was putting his own neck on fire and it meant a lot. Still the small voice inside of her head screamed that she was making a colossal mistake. Besides telling David the exact location of the meeting, Gill had handed over one more crucial piece of information. The file that David showed her, the one that was supposed to bring Cal down was full of false information. It turned out that one or all of David's men were werewolves in epaulets.

After safe house, everything went downhill. She had managed to track down and meet Eli. She told him the truth, but he was adamant that they tell everything to Cal. Only when she finally opened the top of her blouse revealing dark marks and bruises that covered her neck and shoulders Eli finally gave in and promised to at least think about her proposal. It was the best she was able to achieve in the short time, as Cal's call made her hurry back to the office. As soon as this was over, she would go after El and take him with her to the safe house regardless whether he wanted it or not. Once there, they would figure out what to do next. It was not a brilliant, well established plan, but it was a start.

The car stopped in front of a large warehouse. There were no streetlights and once all four cars turned off the lights, the surroundings went into complete darkness.

Let the party begin, Gill thought sorrowfully as she followed the suit and exited the car. The doubts that had been gnawing at her whole afternoon were gathering dark clouds in her mind. Question whether she really was doing the right thing, never left her. Only thing that kept her moving forward was the knowledge that there was no going back. Not anymore. If she broke down now, she would betray David, if continued – betray Cal. It was 'lose lose' situation either way.

They went inside the huge building. Only the flash lights illuminated the dark area. Someone turned on the lights and the centre of the first floor illuminated in a dim light. It looked kind of like a scene from a thriller. Dark shadows loomed at the group of people from all sides, but no one paid attention to the creepy background. Cal's men were professionals. They took strategic positions and were ready for the action. Soon after sound of approaching cars was heard, heavy boots neared and at least twenty armed to teeth Columbians entered. Two men in tailored suits had metal cases chained to their wrists. The scene didn't fall far behind some Hollywood block buster.

Suddenly loud bangs were heard all around, smoke grenades were tossed in and S.W.A.T. teams together with FBI burst in from all directions. For a split second genuine surprise shone on Cal's face. Next moment he drew out his Smith & Wesson and started to shoot.

Gill heard a crack of the weapon from behind and red dot appeared on her chest, sound of bullet pierced the air. Before she had a chance to react, someone pushed her down to the ground. The force of impact knocked all the air from her lungs, head was spinning from the contact with the concrete. It took her several seconds to realise that Cal had launched himself at her just mere seconds before the bullet pierced her heart. He saved her life!

Cal's worried gaze swept over her, as he dragged her to her feet "Are you alright, kitten? We have to get out."

"I'm fine," she said trying to get up, but the movement sent sheer pain to her shoulder and she lost her footing. Gill looked down only then realising that the bullet hadn't missed her completely. The sleeve of her blouse was quickly turning crimson, as the blood poured from the flesh wound. It was not deep or deadly, couple of stitches would do the trick, but it stung all the same.

Cal took a quick look at her shoulder. Assessing that it held no imminent danger to her life, he forcefully dragged the woman up to her feet and lifting her over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes rushed into the darkness to the obscure doors of the exit. His men were bravely covering the boss as he fought his way out. They might have surrounded the building, but didn't know about the secret passage that Cal was about to use. It was not the first time he was here and Cal never went anywhere without a backup plan. Joe had taught him well.

The losses were major. Most of the Cal's men were either injured, dead or arrested, from twenty four men only four were left as they reached the car. Luckily he had put a backup vehicle on the other side of the compound, right were the passage went out. It was a trick that was supposed to work on Columbians, if they decided to betray him. Now it seemed that both sides were fucked up. The cops were after Columbians with the same fierceness as they were after Cal's men. As gently as possible Cal pushed Gill in the rear seat and jumped in himself.

"Hit the gas," he ordered to the driver as soon as the rest of the men caught up.

Caressing woman's damp forehead he murmured "Hold on, kitten. Everything is going to be just fine. I will find and whack whoever is responsible for this shit."

Gill closed her eyes leaning closer. Despite the ominous words at times like this, she always felt save with the man. As complex and ambiguous as their relationship was, he would never leave her behind or abandon when all the chips were down. He would push himself in front of the bulled with her name on it, just like she had once done for him. For Cal, just like for Joe it was always about the family and she was part of it.

She had betrayed her family.

x x x

Gill was silently lying in the bed. Cal had just cleaned her wound, applied a bandage and went to get some sedatives. It was poetic justice that she had been on the receiving end of her own misdeeds. Most of all her heart ached for the men who had died in the shooting. They might not be the pillars of the society, but they were not bad people. Just like her they had made some bad choices in their lives that had lead them to the life of crime. Most of them shared similar life stories. They came from the wrong social background, grew up in all the wrong neighbourhoods. No one really cared about people like them, like her. She had led them to certain death and that was something she would be forced to live with for the rest of her life.

Cal was so warm, caring and attentive that it left Gill's emotions even more mixed up than before. The man returned to the room with a syringe in his hand and leaned closer, gently brushing hairs away from her face.

"Rest, kitten, it was a tough night," Cal kissed her forehead and stood "I will see you soon."

"Where are you going?" Gill asked in a small voice.

"I have some unfinished business," the man explained "But you relax and try to sleep. You are alive and that is the most important thing, focus on that and our life together. I will deal with the rest. Besides it is last time to think about children. After all I need to ensure legacy."

What children?! Is he nuts? It took Gill a second to realise that it was not Cal speaking any more. Strong influence of Joe could be heard as if the man was uttering the words himself.

Cal was becoming enigma, one moment he was rough criminal and second - dedicated family man. This caring side brought back the memories of the man that he used to be. The one she once loved with all her heart, the one he was before everything changed, before it all was about money, influence and power. It left bittersweet taste in her mouth and confusion in her heart.

If Gill hadn't been already partially out and too busy with self loathing, she would get cautious from the strange myriad of emotions that played on the man's face as he looked at her one last time, before exiting the room.

x x x

It was the middle of the night, when her cellular started to vibrate on the nightstand table. Familiar name blinked on the screen. It was Eli. Cold hand gripped Gill's heart. Unless he was in trouble, the boy never called her at night.

"Eli?" she asked in a sleepy voice. Mind was foggy from the sedatives. Shoulder ached terribly and the woman cursed under her breath.

"Gill, help! He thinks I'm the traitor," Eli's voice was distressed "They are after me. I ran away, but I'm injured... You have to get me out of this..."

"Where are you?"

"I don't know... I need a safe place, fast! I'm bleeding... Gill help! You told me about the safe house..."

"I will get you..."

"No, it will be too late, Sis you have to help me! Please, I need a safe place. You have to get out of there too, he will come after you!"

Still dazed Gill finally told the address and promised to meet him there. Stupid injury seriously limited not only Gill's movements as she tried to gather her things, but her wit. With injured arm she was holding the phone desperately trying to reach David, while with other she haphazardly tried to dress. Woman's thoughts refused to come to any sort of coherence. How the hell did it happen so fast and what on earth could have made Eli prime suspect? He was not even involved with the deal!

David was not picking up. It was not a major surprise, but Gill's gut clenched as feeling of forbidding overtook her.

Suddenly she stopped; realisation hit her like a lightning and she swayed from the force of it. Finally it made sense. It all made sense. The missing pieces of the puzzle surfaced before her eyes. Dark clouds had been gathering above her head, but she hadn't noticed the storm coming. Only when the thunder suddenly broke the silence Gill finally realised that she stood no chance against its magnificent force. There was nowhere to run, no time to hide.

All the doubts and fears suddenly left her. It was like pre-death agony was over and she knew for sure that she was going to fall from the grace, break her wings and never fly again. There was no point to call David, go to his house or to the safe house, no point to rush as she already was too late. There was only one place to go and that is where she was heading.

Taking her lady Smith&Wesson from the drawer Gill checked whether it was loaded and headed to the doors. Deadly peace fell upon her soul. She knew that it was a one way trip.

x x x

Gill entered the dark premises of the Lighman Group. The fact that the whole building seemed empty didn't fool her. It was the façade for their regular employees and other interested parties. The real business took place in the basement, specially equipped sound proof part of the building that had security clearance even Pentagon would envy. That was where all the dirt was hidden, all the bodies buried and sometimes literally.

Access doors were in Cal's cabinet. There was one more entrance from the other side of the large building. It was securely located, always guarded and obscure from the public. That entrance was used by Cal's men.

Gill hit the code, scanned her fingerprints and gave voice sample. The doors opened, revealing large stairs leading down. The lights were on. Someone was here. Gill didn't have any doubts in this regard from the moment she left home. The large square interrogations room or the Cube as Cal liked to call it was at the end of the corridor. Two men stood in front of the closed doors.

"Ms Foster, Mr Lightman is waiting for you," one of them greeted Gill as he opened the huge heavy doors and let her in. The sight that greeted her almost made her lose composure. She had been ready for something like that, but to be ready and to actually see were two different things.

David was worse to wear, his right eye was swollen shut, split lip and nose was bleeding. The man was securely tied to a chair that stood in the middle of the room. Eli stood at the far wall, guilt and shame written all over his handsome face. No injuries or any physical damages were visible on the young man as he nervously shifted from one leg to another. Together with him stood two armed goons. From the looks of it Eli still didn't realise that he was as much hostage here as her and David. Cal was slowly circling the chair to which David was tied to and finally stood behind it.

"I never doubted that you would figure it out!" Cal's voice broke the silence as he looked at her with open superiority.

Before Gill could reply, the doors opened, and two men escorted terrified teenager. Emily broke free from their grasp and ran over to her dad putting her arms around the man in tight embrace as she broke down in violent sobs "They killed Granma, dad, they shot her..."

Desperation that shone on David's face broke Gill's heart.

"What a sweet little nice family reunion. Heard you are quite bonded with our young guest here," Cal was smirking. So he knew about her rendezvous with Dante's men too.

Gill was ready to wail from her own stupidity. How she didn't figure it all sooner? She had so silly fallen for the trademark of Lightmans. The long con! Powerful hand of Joe's mastermind was almost visible.

Doyle had never really rattled out his family. His arrest and agreement to work for the FBI was all led by Joe's skilful hand of a puppet master. The necessary information was given, competitors deals blown up, right targets eliminated. All in the name to strengthen Lightmans influence in the USA and Asia.

Alec's setup and consequent fall of Wong Liu was only a small manoeuvre in this game of thrones. The file David had on Joe would have blown right in his face, the financial information was fake, the facts were false. Joe and Cal must have laughed their asses off when they drew up the fabrications. If the prosecution would have used it as evidence, the case would have burned in blue flame. The Lightmans would be left as martyrs of the corrupted and evil cops who did not have any better business than to hunt down innocent and crystal-clear civilians. Even the wedding was not accident. It was insurance. Gill could never testify against her husband.

The plan was perfect. Everything would have worked out smoothly, if it wasn't for her. Unknowingly only Gill's interference had shattered the fundaments of this well played chess match.

Gill was not supposed to be in Alec's apartment, was not supposed to be kidnapped by Triad, but most of all was not supposed to fall for David and betray Cal. The information she gave away was the only piece of the truth police got this far. When David informed his superiors that the whole case was one big pile of bullshit, Joe got a feedback. His paws were literally everywhere.

The correct location of the weapon deal with Columbians was never supposed to be leaked. It didn't take a genius to calculate potential traitors. Guilt on Eli's face confirmed that he had confessed everything to Cal. His immaculate looks and shame indicated that no violence was used. Gill didn't know whether Eli had volunteered the information or Cal had persuaded him. Either way now it didn't matter. The result was all the same. The distressed call and ask for a help was just a plot to make her give away location of the safe house, only bit of information Lightmans didn't have. It had worked. Now they had not only David, but his men and all the information that was stored there. Joe had to make sure that no compromising materials had reached the cops.

Her love for her brother had destroyed years' long operation. Information on David and his background most probably was in Joe's possession from the start. At least death of David's mother and kidnapping of Emily was not directly her fault, but it didn't make her feel any better.

Gill almost laughed out loud from the absurdity of the whole situation. The brother she loathed had saved her life while the one she loved with all her heart and had dedicated her life to had betrayed her. Sickening twist of fate she would have never anticipated. Gill felt cold and dead inside. Even Adams family seemed normal compared to this.

For once she had allowed herself to believe in a dream, dream of normal life, of happily ever after. Now it all had crashed and burned with steady fire just in front of her eyes. Born without wings can't fly and all the attempts to do so were doomed, just like her fate. It was her fault. All of it. Payback really was a bitch!

"Kitten, you betrayed me, and what is worst of all – with a freaking Captain America. How am I supposed to forgive you that?"

"Does it mean that the wedding is off? And I already had a dress in mind..." Gill enquired with a mirthless laugh. There was nothing funny about the whole situation, but keeping the ice queen mask was the only way not to fall apart.

Cal laughed "I always loved your spirit. Fine, for the sake of argument, let's say I will spare one life. Who will it be? Fucking Captain America here, his kid or your flesh and blood?"

Gill's gaze swept over the room. She saw confusion on Eli's face, fear for his daughter and determination on David's and pure terror on Emily's. Lifting her gaze back at Cal the woman knew that no matter what she said, they all would die. It was a game for Cal. He wanted to break her, see her humiliated, on her knees begging for forgiveness and mercy. It was not pride that stopped her from doing just that. If she would have believed there was even tiniest bit of hope that Cal would keep his promise, Gill would not only fall on her knees, she would kiss his boots if that is what he wanted. Unfortunately, it was not their ticked out.

"Well, kitten. It is time to make the decision. Who will you sacrifice?"

"How about you?" Gill asked rising up a hand with Smith&Wesson and pointing the barrel at Cal's head.

"Think about it, luv," Cal smirked "You pull the trigger, I die, but you all die with me. Not the smartest choice."

To make the point clearer Cal's men pointed their guns at all four captives.

Cal left his position from behind David's chair and moved forward "Come on, kitten, do you really have the guts to pull the trigger?"

Gill hand wavered. The son of the bitch had answer for everything. Gill looked at his expressions weighting her options. Suddenly Gill realised the ultimate truth. Cal did not plan to kill her. He wanted to teach her a lesson, to make her realise that there was no one else in her life but him.

It was the truth. Only when Cal learned of her betrayal, he realised the depth of his feelings for the girl. It was more than a lust or whim, it was love. Maybe it was twisted, somewhat dark and selfish, but it was true.

There was no other woman in the world he wanted by his side. She was his perfect match.

It would be a lie if said that the thought to kill her for the treason never crossed his mind. Initially he almost choked from the anger and if both lovebirds happened to be in his way then, he would have pulled the trigger in jealous rage. Since he had a time to cool down, Cal realised that greatly it was his own fault. He had become so much like his father, a man he resented with all his heart. Over years he had done to Gill exactly the same things that his father did to his mother, only Cal didn't hide his affairs or smooth out violence with expensive gifts and shallow promises. Despite everything Gill had been by his side for over a decade, through better and worse, she patiently endured all his whims, never complained about humiliations or chided on lovers; she understood him from half of the word and always knew how to lighten up his mood, make him feel better. She was his conscience; her quick wit had dragged his ass out of more life threatening situations that he cared to admit. For God's sake, she even took a bullet that would have pierced his heart. It hit her just above hers as she launched herself in front of him. Doctors were not sure she could survive. Gill had fought for her life for over a week.

The tiny bit of conscience squeaking that it all was his own fault found its way through pride, arrogance and self-righteousness. Cal realised that the situation they were in was in equal proportions his fault as it was hers.

With a quick movement Gill shifted the barrel of the gun from his temple to her own. If she was gone, there was nothing more to fight over. The main reason of conflict would be eliminated. This madness could end.

David's and Eli's screams and Emily's wails mixed in the air as Gill pulled the trigger. Even Cal looked scared for a second, but only for a second. The click was somehow wrong. Someone had tempered with the mechanism of the weapon.

"You thought that I left you with a functioning gun? You should have known better than that, kitten," Cal strode over, took the gun from the trembling hand and tossed it aside, waived to one of his men who came over and with one swift motion wriggled both her hands behind her back. Resistance was futile.

It was time to end the game. Gill would never break; she would rather die herself than sacrifice someone else. Cal adored this selfless trait of her personality.

Without further ado Cal raised his hand, aimed and pulled the trigger. Teenage girl fell to the floor with a bullet wound in the skull. Expression on David's face was priceless. If the situation was different, Cal would have taken more pleasure in the other man's suffering before he pulled the trigger for the second time. From the impact David together with the chair fell backwards to the ground next to his daughter. It all took mere seconds.

Next moment Cal pointed the gun at Eli. Pure surprise and fear that radiated from the boy was thrilling. The stupid kid had absolutely no idea what had brought it on. Cal had promised money, power and permanent position in the family and firm, if he betrayed his sister. When Cal showed up on his doorsteps, Eli had not held anything back; he had told the man everything that Gill had told him earlier and agreed to phone her. He had done everything as told to the tiniest detail.

"But... I helped you... did everything... you promised..."

"You should never betray your blood, at the end of the day only the family matters," Cal coldly said, taking an aim. Eli's desperate eyes locked with his sisters, but it was the first time in life she was not able to come to his aid, to protect him. He had brought it all on himself and now had to face the consequences. Unfortunately the first lesson that for everything you do, you have to pay, was also his last one.

Single shot shuttered the air. Tall curly haired man screamed trying to cover himself. Next moment he fell to the ground and blood poured from the wound in the head.

Cal took away the smoking gun and turned around to face Gill, indicating the man that held her to step away. Even released she didn't move. Cal saw the despair and pure hatred in her eyes. Emotions made her eyes shine like never before and Cal got lost in those grey depths. Even broken she looked majestic, like a phoenix arisen from the ashes. He admired her self-control. Not a single sound escaped her lips when he executed her lover, the kid and beloved brother. Cal was proud. She was true Lightman at heart, she just didn't realise it yet.

What he didn't know was that her composure had nothing to do with self control. She was frozen in the moment. Out of body feeling she experienced before while Wong Liu entertained her with jumper cables was back with double force, only without flashing lights. It was like she was watching whole episode from side, from third person's point of view.

It is not real! It is not real! It is not real! Her chalk white lips barely moved without a sound.

Suddenly, without a prior warning all her senses kicked in and the gravity of the situation became real. Hot bolts of pain ran through Gill's body. It felt like her heart was ripped out of her chest and chopped into small pieces. The hope had left Pandora's Box, giving its way to the demons.

Next moment woman's face turned ashen, and she collapsed as her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Cal barely managed to break the fall. Gently putting unconscious form on the floor he shouted "Get rid of the bodies and call 911 you morons; we need an ambulance, fast!"

At first he thought that she simply fainted, but the blood trickling from her mouth opposed to this theory. Had someone accidently pulled the trigger? All guns were with silencers, the shot wouldn't be heard. Cal desperately searched for the bullet wound, but besides the blood coming from her mouth there were no visible injuries.

Gill was hot to the touch, too hot; the pulse was shallow and weak, a septic shock. It was not a bullet, but a perforated ulcer that finally got her. Next moment she started to shake and her heart went into a cardiac arrest.

"Don't leave me, kitten," Cal begged through the compressions, as he tried to revive her. In his heart he knew that it was a futile attempt, she was dying and there was nothing he or anyone else could do. Not anymore.

Gillian had given up. There was nothing left for her in this world. Everyone she loved or cared for were taken away by the man she once loved.

Eli. David. Emily.

"I love you, Gillian Foster," Cal whispered sitting on the concrete floor and holding lifeless body against his chest.

He had only wanted to teach her a lesson. She was not supposed to die.

He really did love her.

With all heart.

In his own strange way.

x x x – x x x – x x x

When Cal opened eyes, everything around was blurred. It took him a while to get his bearings. Suddenly he heard distant voices.

"Charge 220. Clear. Start compressions. Charge. Clear..."

Something was wrong. Amongst everything else Cal heard familiar sound of heart monitor signalling flat line.

That got his full attention. Still struggling to clear his vision Cal tried to stand up, only to find himself being pushed back into the half lying position.

Next words sent Cal into paralyses "Stop the compressions, it has been too long, her brain is already dead."

Fighting to regain control over his limbs Cal doubled his efforts to struggle with the restrains. Finally the vision cleared, but the room was still spinning. First thing he saw was worried expression of Dr Brown "How are you feeling Dr Lightman?"

The room finally stopped its merry-go-round and Cal desperately looked around "What happened?"

Before the scientist had a chance to reply, Cal's eyes stopped on the other chair around which moved doctors and nurses in white coats. Seeing lifeless body of his partner Cal with inhuman force broke free from the restrains tying him to the chair and unstably moved across the room.

"What have you done to her?" he screamed at the medical staff striding the distance in three huge steps.

"Gill, honey, can you hear me?" Cal whispered holding her head in his palms and leaning closer. Gill's skin had bluish colour and she was not breathing.

"Dr Lighman, I'm sorry, there was an accident during the experiment," Cal barely heard Dr Wolf's words through shocked haze "Ms Foster went into cardiac arrest, her heart stopped before she woke. There was nothing we could do..."

Desperate wail erupted Cal's lungs as he cradled lifeless body to his chest.

It was not true.

It could not be true.

Cal's mind simply refused to believe it.

There was no way Gill was dead. None!

It was an innocent experiment!

How it could have gone so wrong?

**tbc**


	6. Chapter - OTHER SHADE OF GREY

**TRUE COLOURS* **

**/ OTHER SHADE OF GREY /**

**Chapter 6**

**OTHER SHADE OF GREY**

Desperate wail erupted from Cal's lungs as he cradled lifeless body to his chest.

It was not true.

It could not be true.

Cal's mind simply refused to believe facts. There was no way Gill was dead. None! Impossible!

It was an innocent experiment.

How it could have gone so wrong?

Could the death on virtual level be transformed to a physical?

Gill's last words entered his mind: It is not real!

She was right, it could not be real. It wasn't real!

Next moment the room around him started to distort and discompose. The faces of Dr Wolf and Dr Brown stretched and twisted making them look like some sort of aliens before they too became melting cubicles together with the rest of the background. What the bloody hell is going on? was Cal's last coherent thought before lights went off and everything was engulfed in complete darkness.

Cal's mind floated through empty galaxy. Infinitive void was all around him as he surfed through nothingness. There was not even slightest hint of gravity. Like all his being consisted only of thoughts and mind. His body was gone.

Was this how death felt like?

Sense of time and place were lost. How long was he there? Minutes? Hours? Days? Years?

Suddenly he saw a bright light. With it came terrible pain and vivid memories started to rush in front of his eyes like crazed train. Rough hands pulled him out of the darkness. Cal felt heaviness of his body materialise around his mind. Ears were ringing. Soon he heard muffled voices. It felt like the sound came through a vacuum. Needle pricked the skin of his arm. The man desperately tried to focus.

"Lay still, you are safe Mr Lightman," unfamiliar voice tried to calm him "This one is conscious, attach the IV, get me the blood pressure, connect the heart monitor and dim the lights! We don't want to blind them. What is with the other?"

Cal's throat felt like it was on fire. The noises around him were deafening. Vision still blurred. All he could see were intangible shapes chaotically moving around.

"Unresponsive, vials are stable, but there is no reaction to light or other stimulus. I'm afraid it is a state of deep coma."

What the fuck was going on? Who was in coma? Was it him?

One more needle pierced his skin and Cal felt warm feeling spread through his body. Try as he might, he simply was unable to stay awake and the world around him slowly disappeared.

x x x

"Dr Lightman, can you hear me?" it was not the same voice as before. Cal's head felt like it was filled with cotton, concentration took enormous effort.

"Dr Lightman," the voice spoke again.

Cal finally managed to open his eyes, the light was blinding.

What happened? Where am I? he wondered. After blinking for several times his vision finally focused. He saw a man in a white coat leaning over him. The label on his breast pocket indicated Dr Berry.

"Dr Lightman, you're in the County general hospital. What is the last thing you remember?"

Cal looked at the other man like he was an alien. Everything was mixed up in his head. Dr Wolf, experiment, virtual reality, Gillian.

Gillian!

Last thing he remembered was her dead body against his chest. She had collapsed. Blood was coming from her mouth. After that she went into cardiac arrest and her heart stopped. He was not able to revive her.

No, that was not right! Images of her dead body hooked up to the life support equipment in the laboratory overruled previous ones. Cal could not separate what was real from what was not. Everything seemed right, but at the same time was so wrong. His mind was trying to tell him something, but Cal could not grasp it.

Before he had a chance to ask anything, the doors burst open, and Emily rushed in.

"Dad, you are awake. I was so worried. We all were. Thank God you are fine. When you both went missing over a week ago, I was so terrified..." she was hugging him tightly, hot tears smeared on his face.

Missing?

He was missing?

Week?

Suddenly unsettled images dizzyingly spiralled before his eyes.

Late evening.

Parking lot of the Lightman Group.

Gillian was saying something, warm smile plastered on her face.

Loud noise.

Figures dressed in black.

Shooting pain.

Darkness.

Finally the pictures assembled the story and Cal remembered everything. They had been working late and left the office sometime past midnight. Despite late hour and tiredness, their mood was good. They were laughing and joking all the way to the cars. Gill was telling something when he heard a loud noise behind. As he turned around he saw only blur of motions. Before Cal had a chance to react, his arms were held against his back and there was a shooting pain in his arm. The world started to spin in a crazy roller coaster. Before he hit the ground he heard Gill's scream of terror.

Finally he understood how true Gill's last words had been. Dr Wolf, the lab – it all was not real. Even their romantic relationship was a lie. The one good part of the whole thing was a fantasy, a dream within a dream. Whatever happened after the parking lot, it was some sort of sick game.

"Gillian, where is she? Is she alright?" he finally managed to ask in a cracked voice.

Emily's expression saddened and she looked at Dr Berry as if asking for help. Something was wrong! Cal's heart skipped a beat. The memory of lifeless body against his chest re-entered his mind. No, it was not true!

"Dr Foster is in coma. Her condition is what we call persistent vegetative state. Her brain is not dead, but there is little or no activity, as her body had shut itself down," Dr Berry explained.

"What happened?"

"You both were subjected to some sort of experiment, but I don't know all the details," Dr Berry said apologetically "I believe someone will come to explain it all to you shortly."

"I want to see her!"

"First I have to check your vials and then we will see,"

"I want to see her now!" Cal almost shouted.

"Dad, please..."

Emily's tearful voice was his undoing. Not wanting to upset his daughter even more Cal relaxed against the pillows and let the doctor do his magic.

x x x

Cal was sitting by Gill's bedside. She looked so pale and fragile hooked up to all those machines; plastic tubes connected to the breathing ventilator came from her mouth, IV's, heart monitor, there simply was no end to all the wires. Cal's heart filled with sorrow as his mind kept replaying earlier conversation with Mr Rogers and Dr Tierney from Pentagon. He had learned the truth of what happened, but what good did it do?

Gill was unconscious and no one, not even the brightest minds of medicine could tell if she would ever wake. It was his fault. All of it was his fault. She had jokingly once said that he would be a death of her. Who knew that the cruel twist of fate will make her words stone cold reality?

It all started when after ordeal with Doyle Cal finally decided to blow the whistle. Although many years had passed, some of the senior officers were still hit hard. Investigations were launched; hunt for the werewolves in the uniforms was in full motion.

A man who had the most to lose was Donny Michels, former junior officer who was directly responsible for the death of Doyle's spouse and daughter as well as other shady activities that supposedly were carried out in the name of Uncle Sam. Over years Donny had made impressive carrier and now was director of independent structure under Pentagon's wing - Research and development Centre more commonly known as RDC. The projects under RDC's supervision were mainly military, but also included special requests from intelligence agencies.

One of the top secret projects Michels was responsible for was "Mirage". Initially it was supposed to be advanced software for CIA to be used for simulations, respectively to analyse potential threats like terror acts and project different prevention scenarios. With time it advanced from virtual reality to simulated reality, a concept that the reality could be simulated to a degree indistinguishable from the real life. From the outside the equipment looked like a common sensory-deprivation tank, but there was a twist. Normally sensory-deprivation tank was used to remove all sensory input – light, touch, sound. There was no feeling of gravity as person floated in a hyperbuoyant saline solution. The twist was that the inside of the coffin like object was spread with screens that were connected with the server allowing users to interact within a virtual environment more naturally.

Virtual environment consisted of several levels. Level 1 was commonly known as 'virtual reality' where set of defined parameters allowed play out certain situations. It was an old concept known and used for some time.

Level 2 was completely different story. At this level the user or users were supposed to be transplanted into an electronically created world where they interacted, manipulated items and objects and the simulator responded physically to those actions. Here the software controlled the space and place containing the individual, but not senses. At this level cyber link between the minds of two people could be established. With fingers crossed it was ready for testing.

Developments of neurotechnology evolved the project and concept of Level 3 was launched. In theory it had the ability to transplant or implant a single or multiple personality and life experience within the mind of the participant. Putting it more simply it was total mind manipulation or of being blunt - brain washing. If everything worked, it could be used to completely change a personality, replace all the memories and experiences of a person with virtual ones.

There were talks about possibility to create Level 4 someday. If ever developed it would enable the user to manipulate the real world with mind. It would operate in a way that the virtual becomes real, and reality becomes just one of the operating planes of the user. Anyway, for now it was just a theory.

Levels 2 and 3 were under development, but never tested. Michels knew that this project was his golden cow. He was not a man of science; his interest was purely mercantile. Being good businessman Donny not only ensured that the scientific discoveries developed in his centre reached their legal owners, he also ensured that they found way into black market. Basically he stole the blueprints and sold them to the highest bidder.

After Ligtman's announcements investigations were launched and the RDC, more precisely Michels was put under microscope. Without prior warnings all the active projects were frozen and access to the laboratories restricted.

Michels was not stupid. He knew that if checked thoroughly, all the inconsistencies in the log files could be traced back to him. That unpleasant questions asked would eventually lead to his side business. It would not only end his carrier, but most probably life, as it would be considered treason of the state.

Cal's unfortunate interference ended a dream of ungodly wealth. Michels had absolutely no desire to pay for something he had done all those years ago and even less so for his recent activities. He had to act and do it quick, before it was too late.

The plan was simple - get as much money as possible and disappear. His golden egg was "Mirage".

Michels broke into the lab and stole prototype of software together with both tanks and destroyed any remaining links and records. Although interest was rocket high, no one was ready to pay a lot of money for something that had never been tested. Without documented test results Michels was stuck with illiquid asset that was worth billions. The thirst for money overruled reason and Michels decided to run tests as there was no way to forge them. To do it, he needed labrats. Who else than the man responsible for Michels downfall was the best candidate for the job? Cal Lightman and his lovely partner really were excellent choice.

Besides it was personal. Cal had to learn that payback really was a bitch.

Within five days Michels set up the underground lab, arranged the kidnapping, and got necessary technical assistance. Once the experimental rabbits namely Cal and Gillian were delivered, like some sort of guinea pigs they were pumped full of barbiturates, pushed in the coffins and directly connected to Level 2 where they met Dr Wolf (which of course was predefined character). Via Level 2 their minds were transferred deeper into the virtual world, straight into the heart of Level 3.

From the health and safety point of view the testing should be done in separate stages. To check person's tolerance to the virtual environment initially dive into level 1 should have taken place. If at least five descents were successful, they could be followed by a short decent to Level 2. Level 3 was not yet ready for testing. Michels overruled it all. For the man only thing that mattered was scientifically proven test results. No one, not even developers knew the possible outcome if the program was used with such intensity.

According to the records Gill's heart had stopped once during the experiment. They were forced to lift her out of the tank to perform the CPR. No one knew that she had actually witnessed the scene in her so called vision.

Gill's consequent fall into coma confirmed that human mind was not resistant to such a heavy stimulus and the results of tampering with brain were unpredictable.

"When Ms Foster died in the virtual reality, her brain fell into what is called 'time loop'. It means that her brain is not dead, but her mind believes otherwise and has shut her body down," Dr Tierney tried to explain.

"What does it mean?" Cal asked impatiently fidgeting in his seat "Will she ever wake?"

Doctor looked at distressed man with sympathetic expression "Unfortunately I don't have answer to your question. Her brain activity has no anomalies. That is a good thing, but as I said before, no one ever had undergone what you two have been through. There simply are no answers I or anyone else could give you."

The vague answer did not comfort Cal in any way.

Who cared that Michels was caught and facing charges for state treason?

How did the gratitude Cal received for his interference helped?

Who gave a damn about huge interest of scientists in Cal's experience of 'simulated reality' or big compensation he received for keeping his mouth shut?

Gillian was lying there dead to the world because of him. No one could give a clear reply whether she would ever wake.

He should have never put the bloody whistle to his lips!

The price for truth was too high.

"I'm sorry, luv. I'm so sorry," Cal whispered gently kissing her forehead.

Taking small delicate palm in his Cal pulled it up to his cheek as silent tears ran down his eyes.

Epilogue

One year later

Cal parked in the hospital's parking lot and exited the car. The afternoon was unusually warm and sunny for late autumn. The things at the office were running a bit out of hands without Gillian, but Cal did everything in his power to keep it all together.

Only when he was forced to overtake Gillian's responsibilities he truly understood how much had been put on her slender shoulders. Cal hated the technical part of their business that included budget planning, financial statements and filling of cases. Who would have thought that it all was so complicated and time consuming? Only his promise to Gillian that he would keep their business running until she woke motivated the man to engage in everyday battle with piles of papers.

Besides Cal had a whole new set of responsibilities since Research institute of Gillian Foster was opened. The thought to have their own research centre one day was not only virtual one. They really had talked about it. With the compensation money he received Cal had made their dream a reality. Their studies were taken to all new level. It was dream come true, but it was not the same without her by his side.

Although doctors had told him that more time passed, less chance there was that she would wake, Cal never abandoned the hope. Every day he came to the hospital longing to see her lovely grey eyes and that carefree, warm smile playing on her lips. He still struggled with the nightmares where he held her lifeless body and shot his own daughter in cold blood. It was pure torture.

Cal had consulted all the best neurologists and neurosurgeons. The answer was always the same. All Cal could do was to wait, hope and pray. He did all three.

One of the doctors once tried to suggest that Gill should be taken off the breathing machine. Cal broke man's nose and left him without a couple of teeth. No one dared to open the subject again.

x x x

Upon entering the brightly lit room with its sole occupant the man froze, his heart skipped a beat.

Like always Gillian lay motionless in the centre of the hospital bed. Rays of late afternoon sun gently played in her light brown hairs giving her a bit more alive look, but that was not what caught man's attention.

She was not hooked up to the breathing machine! Afraid of possible implications, Cal stood there motionless. Only when he saw the silent rise and fall of her chest Cal released the breath he unknowingly was holding.

Gillian was breathing!

She was breathing on her own!

His prays had been answered. Apparently there was a God after all.

Crack of opening doors got Cal out of his reverie. It was Dr Berry. He had been monitoring Gillian from day one.

"Good afternoon, Mr Lightman" the man greeted "I thought I saw you in the hall. As you can see Gillian had made significant progress."

"How did it happen? Has she woken?"

"She woke shortly this morning. We unhooked her from the monitors, but it was very brief moment of consciousness and during that time she was not coherent, therefore we were not able to determine whether she has some permanent brain damage. She was distressed and we had to use sedatives to calm her down. Ms Foster will sleep for at least several more hours."

"What do you mean to calm her down?"

"It was like she had woken from a terrible nightmare. It took three nurses and me to get her still enough to administer syringe," doctor said "I never thought that this slim and fragile lady had so much strength inside."

"You don't know the half of it," Cal replied lovingly looking at the sleeping form.

He was barely able to focus. The news that Gillian would wake soon were more than thrilling.

Could it really be true? Cal even pinched himself to make sure it was real.

Those were the best news ever!

Cal felt that he had finally gotten his life back.

x x x

Cal never left her bedside afraid to miss the moment. Time to time she tossed and turned a bit, but never woke.

Locker called earlier. He needed help with one of the cases. Cal told him to grab the PC and come to the hospital.

Both men were engaged in a video footage when they heard quiet noises coming from the bed. Cal momentarily moved to the bed side.

Gillian's eyelids fluttered. Disoriented she blinked for several times before grey orbs finally focused on Locker who stood at the end of the bed. Shock and surprise was clearly written all over her face.

"Eli..." she whispered hoarsely, deep affection and love in her voice "You are alive?"

Loker stared at her puzzled. Foster never called him by the first name. Besides where did the emotions shining on her face came from?

Cal's breath caught in his throat making him cough. He had never mentioned to anyone at work what happened in the 'simulated reality', hoping that it was a nightmare left behind. Apparently not.

Gill's eyes shifted to the direction of the noise. The hatred and contempt mixed with fear shining in her eyes almost blew Cal of his feet.

"You..." she pushed through clenched teeth "bastard!"

"Gill, luv..." Cal tried to ease the tension taking a step closer.

"No! Stay away you son of a bitch!" Pure panic of her tone stopped him dead in his tracks.

Doors opened and Emily poked her head in.

"Gill! You are awake!" the girl almost screamed in excitement, but the fear and deep confusion in woman's eyes shut her mouth. Next words sent cold chills down teenager's spine.

"Run, hide, he will kill you!" Gill screamed, hysterically trying to get rid of the wires and tubes attached to her body. The doors opened further as doctors and nurses burst in trying to still the resisting woman.

"No! He killed them!" she was kicking and tossing, desperately trying to get free "He will kill them! Please! You don't understand! He killed, will kill..."

Finally the sedatives kicked in and her body slacked.

Cal watched the scene in front of him completely paralyzed. His heart sank as his fears were confirmed. Although Gillian had woken, her mind was locked in the virtual reality, reality where Cal was her archenemy, where she hated and resent him with all her being. Reality where everyone she knew in the real life was someone else. Where she had lost everyone she ever loved and cared for. The ultimate goal of the Level 3 was achieved. Complete brainwashing that resulted in ultimate change of personality really worked in practice.

Cal felt sharp pain in his heart at the cruel twist of fate.

It was the ultimate blow to bring almighty Cal Lightman down to his knees, to defeat him in every sense of this word. Michels couldn't have asked for a better revenge.

**- FIN -**

**(or is it?)**

**End note:** Thanks to all who bore with me up to the happy end, although word 'happy' in this context is very much negotiable! Either way, thanks for reading.

I tried to take the characters into complete different realm and at the same time not to lose all the ties with the 'reality'. I know the setup is a bit dark and creepy and maybe at times too much so, but I believe the ultimate goal to create completely mixed up emotions for Gill is reached...

The idea of sequel is playing in my mind, but I haven't decided yet whether I should continue the story of Gill's adaption to the 'real world'. Most of all I wonder how her relationship with Cal would evolve, there is so much love/hate and unresolved issues there... On the other hand maybe it is better left for imagination...

For now 'official' ending is here.

Please don't hold back and tell me what you think!

Cheers!


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